I'm sure if you're reading this, then you know this story, but it's still pretty good. Picture it, my bedroom, 2 months ago. I enter a "predict the Oscars" contest. Since the awards were really predictable, (oh, you had Mickey Rourke for best actor? you loser!) many people tied for first place, myself included. To break the tie, as part of the game's fine print, the winner would be determined through an essay to be written about "what the oscars mean to me" and the winner would be judged by EW on the basis of creativity and orginality, after a brainstorming session with the roomies it was decided to write a parody of Jingle Bells we came up with this:
Dashing down to greet
The guests have just arrived
Grab a bingo sheet
Wish Heath hadn’t died
Warm up the LCD
Seacrest! What a tool
And then we flip to ABC
Can hardly hold my stool
Mickey Rourke! Meryl Streep! Dark Knight got the shaft
Slumdog’s Oscar winning sweep, Kate Winslet won at last
Mickey Rourke! Meryl Streep! Wolverine can dance
I’m so thrilled for Oscar time, Oops! I Crapped My Pants
Kevin and I worked hard on the lyrics, it was sort of like that episode of the Golden Girls where Rose and Dorothy write the song about Miami (except they only came in second). Dorothy says, "We could be the next Simon and Garfunkel, the next Rogers and Hammerstein..." "...the next Shari Lewis and Lambchop!" cries Rose.
Flashforward a month later and I recieve an email from EW congratulating me on winning the GRAND PRIZE. What exactly is that prize? Oh just a 46 inch Sony Bravia LCD 1080p 120hz flatscreen HDTV and a Sony Blu-ray player (of which I already have two, but three will do just fine). Thank you Entertainment Weekly, I knew there was a reason I've been subscribing since high school...