The Regrettables: Sylvester Stallone Misses a Great Opportunity with “The Expendables”

I can’t imagine people waiting anxiously for the glorious big screen return of… Dolph Lundgren. And since I had to go to Wikipedia just to refresh my memory about why he’s “famous” perhaps “The Expendables” just isn’t my sort of thing. But don’t worry bigger names like Arnold Schwarzenegger (wow I just typed that without having to look up the spelling) and Bruce Willis show up. But those fans are going to be seriously disappointed to learn their favorite cyborg from the future and terrorist ass-kicker, respectively, are on screen for mere minutes. I’m not sure if Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Steve Austin and Mickey Rourke are really worth sitting through this poor excuse for a movie. Stallone himself has complained about how there aren’t any big “tough guy” action heroes anymore. The likes of pretty boys Matt Dammon and Christian Bale have taken over the roles once played by all those muscular dudes with bad lisps. Hmmm, I wonder why.

“The Expendables” is a bad movie. I disliked it. I probably disliked it mostly because this type of action movie doesn’t really do much for me. Will fans enjoy it? It’s possible. I think it’s good that Mr. Stallone wanted to go back and make an old school kick-ass action flick like the ones made so well during the Regan Era but he seriously takes way too many missteps along the way. First of all, this is lousy filmmaking first and foremost. The editing is choppy and obnoxious. All of your favorite 80s action movies weren’t edited like they are the latest “Saw” film. The film is dark and murky and just simply ugly looking. I felt as if the film was shot through a lens covered with tar. Maybe it was just covered in testosterone? And lastly, way too much CGI blood. Hello, 80s movies didn’t use CGI blood because it didn’t exist. Hasn’t Stallone’s crew ever heard of a squib? I don’t mind effects when they are used well. Here they are just cheap. He seemed to be going for realistic gore and it just looks silly. After a while I started looking for Itchy and Scratchy. To be honest, the whole thing felt like a spoof of action movies without any jokes. It made me want to watch “Hot Shots! Part Deux.” So I guess something good came out of watching this thing.

I seriously had no idea what was going on this movie either. If that makes me a stupid or ignorant person, it’s fine by me. Stallone himself, lisp and all, heads a team of mercenaries known as the Expendables to overthrow a dictator down in South America (thank you imdb). Julia Roberts brother Eric shows up as the “suave bad guy in suit.” I wished I wanted to chear when he died, but alas I did not. I feel like this is the type of movie where you’re supposed to shout “hell yeah” when a bad guy gets what’s coming to him. But Stallone stages all the deaths in such a piss poor way, it’s hard to excited at all. Even the fighting sequences seemed haphazard. He has some of the greatest action stars, some of which are fan favorites, and yet he can’t find anything cool or original to do with them. Seems like a missed opportunity of gigantic proportions.

I’m going to be kind by mentioning Mickey Rourke is probably a lot better than this flick deserves. In fact some of his scenes are so good, they seemed to be deleted from his work from “The Wrestler.” And I wont harp on the bad acting, because let’s face it, are we really all that surprised that this isn’t an acting showcase? I don’t care about the acting from these big guys. I wanted to see asses getting kicked, but the violence is so poorly staged and the effects so shoddily done, it was yawn inducing. Stallone maybe you should have made a sequel to “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.” Even without Estelle Getty I’d rather pay $7.50 to see that. GRADE: D

Chomp & Circumstance: “Piranha 3D” May Very Well Be the Best Killer Fish Movie Since ‘Jaws the Revenge’

“Piranha 3D” is a masterpiece. It’s not “Citizen Kane.” It’s not “Casablanca.” It’s not “The Godfather.” But you know what? For a 3D movie about prehistoric killer piranha it’s certainly the best movie of its kind. It’s nearly perfect because it meets pretty much expectation you’d have from a movie called “Piranha 3D.” It doesn’t disappoint in the slightest, it delivers. I don’t care how cheap the thrills or laughs are. I don’t care that this is not highbrow cinema. I don’t care if it’s a remake of a movie that was itself a rip-off (of “Jaws”). It’s called “Piranha 3D” for crying out loud. And it is freaking awesome!

This is probably one of the goriest movies I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’ve seen more gory movies than I care to discuss. If I did, you’d probably assume I was a serial killer or something. What’s wrong with a little blood in movies? Nothing if you ask me. More blood the merrier. Here wet some of the most gruesome onscreen deaths I’ve ever seen. They are creative and bloody and put other horror franchises to shame. Mostly because they occur in broad daylight. In fact 99% of this movie takes place during the day. Suck on that Jason Voorhees! If you want to see a woman’s face get ripped off after her hair gets stuck in a boat’s propeller then see “Piranha 3D.” If you want to see a naked co-ed get sliced in half by a cable then see “Piranha 3D.” If you want to see Jerry O’Connell’s, um, member gobbled up and then immediately burped up by a piranha then see “Piranha 3D.” It goes for the jugular. Literally.

Ok so most movies have plots and even some horror movies do. What we get here is a bunch of spring breakers partying it up on Lake Victoria. The always wonderful and game Elisabeth Shue plays the sheriff of the town and she’s busy with all those druken kids so she enlists her teenage son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) to watch his younger brother and sister while she’s on duty. But Jake is recruited by sleazy porn director Derrick Jones (O’Connell) who wants Jake to show him around the lake to get the best footage for his Wild Wild Girls video. Jake also has a thing for his classmate Kelly (Gossip Girl’s Jessic Szohr) and we can all assume they will get together in the end, provided they don’t end up as fish food.

The movie opens with an appearance by Richard Dreyfuss, playing a nod to his “Jaws” character Matt Hooper. A small earthquake opens of rift in the lake floor which unleashes a bunch of prehistoric piranha who have apparently been living down there for centuries (Fortunately a wild-eyed Christopher Lloyd stops by long enough to provide some exposition on these killer fish). And boy are these wonderfully cheesy CGI creations hungry! And lucky for them there is plenty of hot flesh for them to feast on, but not before chomping down on Dreyfuss and causing a big bloody mess. So once the piranha realize there is a bunch of skanky, drunken co-eds to munch on we get scene after scene of graphic piranha attacks. And it seems like there’s no two deaths done the same. Even horror director/fan Eli Roth shows up as a wet t-shirt emcee who gets his face smash off by a speedboat.

“Piranha 3D” is directed by Frenchman Alexandre Aja who made the wonderfully gory thriller “High Tension” and the recent flicks Mirrors and “The Hills Have Eyes.” He knows exactly what his audience wants and he gives it to them. He’s wonderful at making us laugh when it’s time to laugh and squirm when it’s time to squirm. The screenplay by Pete Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg, who previously collaborated on the wonderful 80s homage “Sorority Row” are in fine form here. They have crafted a “Snakes on a Plane” type of comedy/thriller that is extremely self-aware that it’s a movie about killer fish (And it all sort of made me think how fun it would have been to see "Jaws 3D" in the theater back in the day). All of those involved certainly don’t hold back. And the performances are pretty good considering. I’ve always been a fan of Shue and I actually believed her character. She was pretty badass if you ask me. And was the film worth the 3D admission price? Heck yeah!

“Piranha 3D” is one of the most fun times I’ve had in the theater in a long time. I loved the humor I loved the gore. I loved how absurd it all was and how the filmmakers were constantly aware of their audience and what it would be like sitting there watching this all come together. As a huge horror fan, and a fan of the original 1978 “Piranha” film and it’s equally shameless made-for-cable remake starring Baywatch’s Alexandra Paul, I can say that whether you want to call this thing a remake or a reboot or a sequel, “Piranha 3D” is an awesome horror film. Like me, any gorehound is guaranteed to have a bloody good time. GRADE: A

Great Scott! The Sensational “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” is an Inventive Romantic Comedy for Video Game Nerds Everywhere

It’s amazing how much director Edgar Wright wants his film “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” to look and feel like a video game. I can think of movies that look like video games that are just plain awful… Speed Racer… 300… the Star Wars prequels (just kidding!). But besides just corny visual effects, these movies were just silly eye candy that ended up being headache inducing. But with “Scott Pilgrim,” which is based on a series of graphic novels (what else is new?), Wright infuses his film with such original and inventive touches you can’t help playing along. This is a fantastical movie which is grounded in reality which works for me as someone who isn’t the biggest fan of flying of magic. The movie begins with the traditional Universal Studios logo appearing in pixilated 8-bit graphics and a monaural video game tone all of us who grew up in the 80s are so familiar with. It sets the tone for the film perfectly and the movie delivers in spades.

Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) is a 22 year old normal guy. He has some friends who have formed a rock band called Sex Bob-Omb. They are still in their, “practicing in their friend’s living room phase.” He lives with his gay roommate Wallace (a wonderful Kieran Culkin) whom with he shares a bed with. And he’s just started dating a 17 year old high school girl name Knives Chau (Ellen Wong). She’s Asian. Everyone sort of teases Scott for dating a high school girl, most of which comes from Scott’s sister played by recent Oscar nominee Anna Kendrick. But then Scott notices a girl with pink hair at a party and it’s love at first sight. This is Ramona Flowers. They begin courting and Scott has to eventually break up with Knives. I just had a thought; is it smart to break up with someone whose first name is Knives? But I digress. It turns out this colorful girl of his dreams, Romona, comes with a little baggage: seven “evil exes” who he must defeat in order to win her heart.

The movie sets up its strange tone with wacky editing and on screen graphics. For instance every time the telephone rings we get a big “RIIIINNNNGGGGG” graphic flying across the screen. We also get text which points out characters and their traits and makes sure we’re all following along. So it’s not too shocking to see when Sex Bob-Omb first appears on stage at a club for a gig, an eyeliner wearing goth dude flying through the roof and starting a fight with our hapless hero. It turns out there has been a “League of Evil Exes” formed by Romona’s evilest ex-boyfriend Gideon. Other evil exes who show up in small but memorable roles include Superman himself Brandon Routh with special vegan powers and Chris Evans as an action movie star with totally awesome skateboarding skills. Every time Scott defeats one of these Exes they burst into coins, like every other bad guy in every other video game. It’s pretty clever. Of course not ever Ex is a dude. Mae Whitman, who played Cera’s girlfriend Ann (who?) on TV sitcom Arrested Development, shows up as the “bi-furious” Roxy Richter.

Edgar Wright (who co-wrote with Michael Bacall) is such a talented and inventive director. He’s so great at taking conventional stories (zombie flick, buddy cop flick, romantic comedy) and turning them into something unique and wildly entertaining. And let’s not forget his brilliant phony “Grindhouse” trailer for “Don’t” which was wonderful. He uses visual effects to tell his story, not replace his story. And while some may find this visually overwhelming, you can’t deny the level of energy radiating from the screen. It sort of began to wear me out a little by the end, but it’s a small price to pay for such a creative, funny and entertaining movie that is a true standout in an otherwise mediocre summer at the movies. GRADE: A-

Dancing Feat: Acting? Writing? Plot? Who cares! “Step Up 3D” is in 3D!

"Step Up 3D" is a horrible, horrendous movie. It has bad acting. It has a clichéd script filled with atrocious lines of dialogue. The direction of the actors leaves something to be desired. However, with all those flaws, I can honestly say the visual aspect of the film is pretty outstanding. This is a film that is fully aware it’s being shot in 3D and it goes for it. The dancing scenes are really in-your-face and the talent of the dancers is simply amazing. It’s too bad they couldn’t read a line of dialogue well to save their lives. If you want cool dancing and a fun 3D experience Step Up 3D delivers. If you care about characters and story, go see “Inception” instead.

I’m not quite sure I even want to discuss the plot. But think of the basic elements of the Muppets flick “Muppets Take Manhattan” sort of crossed with “You Got Served.” We get a bunch of people living together in the city, trying to “make it.” They have big dreams and we have to sit around for 97 minutes while they do it. And spoiler alert, we get a happy ending. We’re introduced to Moose (Adam G. Sevani), who’s entering his freshman year at NYU. Avid “Step Up” franchise fans will remember him from the last movie Step Up 2 the Streets, which featured only two dimensional dancing. Bor-ing! He’ll be majoring in engineering and putting that silly dancing on the backburner. That is until he meets Luke (Rick Malambri, who has about as much charisma and acting ability as tree bark). Luke is a street dancer and aspiring filmmaker (the dream is alive!) who lives with a bunch of other dancers who share some kind of apartment building living space that seems like an unused set from the musical “Rent.” Luke wants to recuit Moose so they can win the battle royale of hip hop battle dancing so they can save their beloved apartment from foreclosure. Luke meets Natalie (Sharni Vinson), who also is a talented dancer whom he lets crash in his place. I think they might end up falling in love, but I’m sure something will get in the way.

Ok I’m not even going to bother with any more plot details because then you’ll just make fun of me for spending 11 dollars on this thing. I don’t ever remember hearing lines of dialogue like “Some people learn to dance... Others are born to.” Sometimes I thought I was watching a reimagining of “Showgirls.” I’m willing to forgive screenwriters Amy Andelson and Emily Meyer since it’s their first script and since they were hired to made a “product” ready for mass consumption. After all, this movie is basically a bunch of impressive dance sequences with a weak, uninteresting story woven in. But enough of that! Let’s get to the good stuff.

I read somewhere that some critic called “Step Up 3D” the best 3D movie since Avatar. And that’s pretty accurate. How to Train Your Dragon featured some cool 3D sequences. Luckily, this is a film that wasn’t just converted into 3D to make a quick buck, it was made using 3D cameras and while some scenes are obviously gimmicky, like floating Slurpees for instance, the effect is pretty darn fun. This, like Avatar, is a movie that really used the 3D to envelope you and make you feel like you’re their. The dancing features great artists who obviously have a tremendous talent and it’s cool to see them putting it to good use. These battle dance scenes, while sort of corny, in a modern “West Side Story” dancing rivalry kind of way, are pretty thrilling if you ask me. And I really enjoyed the old school dance, between Moose and his longtime friend Camille (Alyson Stoner) which featured a decent unbroken tracking shot with Fred Astaire’s “I Won’t Dance” playing on the soundtrack. And let’s not forget the guy (Chadd Smith) who does the robot moves; he was pretty awesome as was everyone else. It’s too bad they only got to play paper thin characters with bad acting ability. Although Joe Slaughter, who played rival dance master Julien, gave Mr. Malambri a run for his money in the horrible line readings department.

So yeah, I’m not too embarrassed to say I enjoyed “Step Up 3D” for what it was. It had cool 3D visuals and awesome dancing, with enjoyable music to go along with it. This is not a movie that’ll be winning any awards anytime soon, unless the Razzies are what director Jon Chu had in mind. GRADE: B-

Cop & a Laugh: The Funny “The Other Guys” Skewers Silly Cop Movie Clichés

Explosions. Shoot outs. Drugs. Bad guys. Good guys. Bluesy musical score. “The Other Guys” has all this stuff. Thankfully it all involves a comedic angle. You see this is a movie that parodies all the tired action cop movie clichés we see time and time again. This is actually the second buddy comedy spoof to come out this year. There was the critically derided Kevin Smith comedy “Cop Out,” which I had the pleasure of not seeing. Let’s just assume that “The Other Guys” is actually a movie that works as a silly comedy and an action genre skewering satire. Think “Hot Fuzz” by way of “Anchorman.” Now those are two movies that everyone really loves except for me. Call me crazy, I know, but those movies didn’t really do that much for me. So therefore I can say with confidence that “The Other Guys” is funny for what it is, but isn’t Earth-shattering amazing. However, if you’re a fan of Will Ferrell and his previous collaborations with director Adam McKay (ie Talladega Nights, Step Brothers, both of which I loved) then you will find “The Other Guys” extremely likeable.

I’m glad that former pants-on-the-ground rapper/model Mark Wahlberg is finding more comedic roles because I find him to be an enjoyable and talented actor. He was great earlier this year in “Date Night” and is similarly enjoyable here. While he mostly plays straight man to silly Will Ferrell’s lame desk cop Detective Allen Gamble. Wahlberg is Terry Hoitz is also relegated to a desk job after he mistakenly shoots Derek Jeter. Hoitz and Gamble are the standard “odd couple” who we’ve seen dozens of times before. But each actor totally goes for their respective roles and sells the crap out of it. Their boss Captain Gene Mauch is played hilariously by Michael Keaton. He’s constantly quoting the girl group TLC, much to Hoitz and Gamble’s confusion.

These two loons stumble upon a high profile case which could add a major boost to their floundering careers. It’s a case which I found uninteresting which is probably the movie’s biggest flaw. I realize most movies actually need a plot, and that’s no exception with comedies. Except this plot which involves British funnyman Steve Coogan and other bad guys. Most of which I don’t really care about. But let’s talk about the stuff I did care about. Like, for instance, the funny running gag involving Ferrell’s Toyota Prius being the brunt of lots of jokes (“what is that a tampon with wheels?”). I was glad to see Keaton put to good use as I mentioned earlier, and luckily Samuel L Jackson and Dwyane “The Rock” Johnson’s roles are almost the size of cameos. They are the cocky cops Hoitz and Gamble wish they were, but they aren’t in the movie for very long…

Adam McKay is a funny writer and director who can easily take a simple premise and go all out on it. “The Other Guys” is probably his most ambitious since it involves an almost too complicated plot, not to mention much more explosions and special effects than his other films. And maybe that’s really the problem here because I think the film’s third act is a “we’ve got to wrap this plot up” type of act and eventually I sort of stopped caring. But the film otherwise is pretty strong and features plenty of decent laughs. Heck even Eva Mendes showed her comedic ability as Ferrell’s saucy doctor wife.

Fans of McKay’s previous work should eat up “The Other Guys.” It does a great job mocking all of the typical buddy cop scenarios we’ve seen a billion times before, while still feeling fresh and original. It may not be the funniest movie of the year, but it should have most people cracking up to some degree. Even if one of the best parts is a random cameo from Rosie Perez, Brooke Shields and Tracy Morgan at a Knicks game. GRADE: B

O Brother Where Art Thou? “Charlie St. Cloud” is Harmless, Charming Schmaltz

You wouldn’t assume that a kid who starred in made-for-TV movie called “High School Musical” would become such a successful movie star. There are always unexplainable things in the universe and that’s just one of them. The fact is though is that Zac Efron, for all the tween girl obsession that he receives, isn’t actually a horrible actor. Ok, he’s not really a great actor, but he does have some presences and enough ability to carry a movie. Even if it’s one about playing an adult in a teen’s body or playing a teen who plays catch with his dead brother’s ghost. I’m confident that one day Mr. Efron will find a project that will fit him well and sort of give him some street cred. I thought that was supposed to happen with “Me and Orson Welles” but I guess not. But here in “Charlie St. Cloud,” the story of a young guy who loses his little bro in a tragic accident and then somehow gains the ability to see dead people, he’s decent enough to not make me feel embarrassed for actually paying money to see this movie in the theater.

If you’re not sure what Charlie St. Cloud is about, think “what if The Sixth Sense had been originally written by Nicholas Sparks of The Notebook fame?” And then you get Charlie St. Cloud. Throw in a little mix of Ghost and you can see where this is going. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t totally shocked by a third act plot development. Sue me, I didn’t see it coming. But then again, I didn’t really get all of “Inception” either. So there you go. Efron plays Charlie St. Cloud. He’s a sailor. He races boats. He’s about to graduate high school and attend Stamford in the fall. Everyone in town knows him. He’s the guy all the teen girls in the town dream about dating. Ya know much like Efron himself. He has a special bond with his younger brother. It seems as though their father is either dead or somewhere else. They are like best buds. Cue the drunk driver who smashes into Charlie’s car, killing poor little Sam (played by Charlie Tahan). Cut to the funeral where Charlie is so verklempt , he can’t even throw his bro’s baseball glove in his open grave. He proceeds to run into the woods, where he runs smack into little Sam. He makes a promise to him that he’ll play catch with him for an hour every day before sundown.

We then flash-forward five years later. It turns out Charlie gave up on his dreams as characters in movies like this tend to do. He never went to school and has chosen to work as a groundskeeper in the graveyard where Sam is buried. Now he’s not only known as the town heartthrob, but the town nut as well. He hasn’t even gone sailing since his brother’s death cause it was something they loved doing together. He does catch the eye of a pretty girl he went to high school with named Tess (Amanda Crew), who is also a sailor, and has plans to sail around the Cape of Good Hope. Who wouldn’t want to do that? So they sort of start a fling, and now Sam starts to feel left out, as dead people usually are left out of the loop.

I won’t delve that much deeper into the plot, and to be honest, do you even really care? This is a movie tailor made for the tween/Twilight set and they ate up every single minute of it. I couldn’t believe the squealing I heard whenever Zac made puppy dog eyes at Tess and stared blankly into her eyes. I want to actually tell you more of what happens. But I won’t tell you that Sam is not the only dead person Charlie sees. Whoops I said it. Director Burr Steers, who also worked with Efron on “17 Again” does like working on stories with some kind of fantastical element, and it seems to fit well here. This just feels more like candy coated melodrama, but you know what? I was entertained by it.

“Charlie St. Cloud” is Efron’s attempt to become a more dramatic actor. He’s certainly on his way, but he won’t make it too far if he’s stuck in schmaltzy stuff like this. Granted it’s exactly what his fans want, and I believe that he will crossover as a mainstream actor one day. Just look at Leonardo DiCaprio, he was a teen heartthrob stuck in romance epics and now he’s an Oscar-worthy actor working with today’s top directors. Fans who know what they are getting into with this flick will enjoy themselves. Anyone else who’s being dragged? Hunker down and pray for daylight. GRADE: B

A.I. Artificial Insemination: There’s Nothing Artificial About the Funny and Touching Domestic Dramedy “The Kids Are All Right”

What has great performances, a witty and amusing script, and a hip, indie look and feel? “The Kids Are All Right.” This is the latest flick to come out of Sundance and it’s almost guaranteed to be a mainstream hit. Think “Little Miss Sunshine” or “Juno.” I’m not sure if it’ll catch on like those two, but it certainly deserves to stand amongst them. It tells the wonderful story of an upper middle class lesbian couple and their two children and the wrench that is caused in their lives when the kids decide to bring their biological father into their lives.

What “The Kids Are All Right” lacks in dazzlingly visual design it makes up for with a great script and even better performances. Julianne Moore is Jules and she’s married to Annette Bening’s Nic. They are a happy couple and they have two teenage kids in which they each conceived by the sperm of one donor. There’s Joni (Mia Wasikowska) who just graduated high school and will be attending college in the fall and her younger brother Laser (Josh Hutcherson) a typical fifteen year old boy. Laser really wants to know who their real father is and he’s not yet eighteen he enlist his older sister to seek him out. They contact him and it turns out to be a guy named Paul (Mark Ruffalo). The two kids first meet their dad and in one of the film’s many awkward, yet touching, and strangely realistic scenes.

Of course they don’t tell their moms right away about meeting dad. You see Nic is sort of a control freak, think the lesbian Carolyn Burnham from “American Beauty” except not as psychologically damaged. She’s an ER doctor and is therefore a little overprotective of her kids (and rightfully so). That also means she’s sometimes a little too busy with work for her partner Jules who’s a little more free spirited. She’s just started a gardening/landscaping business. And once the sperm donor plotline is brought out into the open, in another funny and awkward scene involving Laser and his two moms, Paul hires Jules to landscape his backyard. What follows is something weird and yet never feels forced: Paul and Jules begin to find themselves attracted to one another. I promise to say no more.

The film’s strongest suit is definitely the award-worth performances throughout the wonderful, close-knit ensemble. Bening gives a great performance and she’s particularly amazing in some of the film’s third act scenes. While her character might have some quirks that can be easily to dislike, she’s never unlikable. Bening gives Nic credibility as a woman who is always concerned and always has a wine glass firmly in hand. Moore equally matches her as the more loose Jules. Of course Moore is always a fine actress and here she’s gets an almost meatier roll because her character can quickly become the monster but she never does. You never side with just one character and I credit director/writer Lisa Cholodenko and co-writer Stuart Blumberg for creating characters we empathize with even if they don’t always make the most rational decisions. Cholodenko refuses to make this a story just about the tribulations of a gay couple and rather makes it about a gay couple who go through all the same emotions and ordeals as straight couples. Of course this isn’t your traditional family, but she makes it as traditional as possible. Ruffalo is also extraordinary as a man who’s literally thrust into this family life and the way if throws his life off balance. He makes a difficult role seem effortless. Hopefully his work doesn’t go unnoticed. And the kids are definitely all right. They give great performances as well and equally match their adult counterparts.

I can see how someone might mistake this for just a dysfunctional family TV sitcom and maybe some will see it as such. I don’t. The film doesn’t have quite the glorious cinematic look that some movies have, but I don’t think it’s supposed to. It goes with a realistic look and that suits the movie. It’s pretty amazing how the film deals with these family issues in the most organic way possible. Nothing is forced and nothing seems out of place. It’s a rewarding and touching experience. It’s unquestionably better than all right. GRADE: A-

The Dream Team: “Inception” is an Engrossing, Densely Layered Mind Trip

“Inception” is pretty much the cinematic equivalent to a Rubik’s Cube. It’s really fun to play with but nearly impossible to figure out. I’m sure even the film’s most ardent fans can’t fully decipher all of the film’s meanings but it’s such an absorbing piece of work that could only be handled by the same guy who brought us the blockbuster “The Dark Knight” two summers ago. While Christopher Nolan, who cut his teeth in the independent world has moved on to sprawling action movies with bigger budgets, he’s still managed to keep his dignity intact. He never takes the easy way out by succumbing audience expectations. He does what he wants to do it and how he wants to do it and while you can feel the influence of dozens of other films in this particular work it still feels original enough to not feel like a rip-off. “Inception” is a movie that is only successful because of the “man” getting put behind it. It has stars! It has flashy effects! It has a humungous advertising campaign. This film would never work as an art house indie, although it retains many of the ideas often found in those types of films. Here though with a bigger playground to play on Nolan is having a ball and his number one interest is the audience and giving them the time of their life.

“Inception” takes place in an alternate (though realistic) world in which people have been able to “hijack” people’s dreams. By hijack I mean enter a person’s dream and steal information that can only be found in a person’s subconscious. Let’s just say Freud would have a field day with this flick. And who knew that rain in your dream means you have to take a leak? Leonardo DiCaprio is Cobb who is part of a dream heist team. He’s the “extractor” the one in charge of getting whatever info his team needs to get. There’s Ellen Page’s character Ariadne who is the architect; she can actually design the dream world. Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is the point man. Eames (Tom Hardy) is the forger who can impersonate the target in the dream world. Think of this team as sort of an Ocean’s Eleven but instead of getting inside a safe they are getting inside someone’s mind. They even dress the part with most of them spending the film dressed like they’re about to shoot a GQ photo spread. It turns out what they really want to do is plant an idea inside the mind of the mark – Cillian Murphy’s Robert Fischer – and they have the ablity to enter into the dream world of people who are already in a dream.

Does this sound confusing? Because it sort of is. There are several different dream levels. Once they’re in a dream they can go to sleep within that dream and enter a new dream and so on. They do this because every time they enter a new subconscious state real time slows down dramatically and let’s them accomplish more in less time. The last third of the film takes place within minutes of real time and yet they have what seems like hours to complete their mission. Nolan does a great job of constantly making sure we know where we are and when. We know what dream we’re in and who is where. The crosscutting between all these dream worlds is pretty astounding. I smell Oscar.

All of the actors give great performances although Leo probably has the juiciest role. You see his deceased wife Mal (Marion Cotillard) appears in his dreams and tends to disrupt his subconscious heist plans a lot. He had to leave his two young children behind for reasons I won’t get into here. But what really stands out here are the film’s jaw-droppingly awesome action sequences which are like nothing you’ve ever really seen before. Sure you’ve seen similar stuff in movies like “The Matrix,” but most of this stuff is pretty photorealistic and Nolan employs as many practical effects as he can. A sequence in which Arthur must battle some bad guys in a rotating hallway is simply astonishing. Not since “A Nightmare on Elm Street” has a rotating room had so much personality.

While I’m still a little confused on random bits of the plot and sometimes everything doesn’t quite gel as quickly as you’d like, Inception is a wildly imaginative and fun ride. It has awesome visuals an interesting story and a wonderfully epic cinematic feel. It’s pretty close to rivaling “The Dark Knight” as the de facto “intelligent” summer blockbuster. Sorry “independent” Nolan fans, he’s playing in the big leagues now and I think “Inception” is a home run. GRADE: A-

Victoria’s Secret: Bella Must Evade an Army of Vampires and a Love Triangle in the Improved “Twilight Saga: Eclipse”

Well all I can say is that “Eclipse,” the third chapter of the wildly successful vampire melodrama, is a vast improvement on the second part “New Moon.” While I didn’t howl with delight at this third entry, I was mildly amused and I think we all credit the improved direction from David Slade (Hard Candy) and better performances from the young cast. I guess they say third time’s the charm and that’s pretty much the case here cause I can definitely see how non-fans of the first two films might actually find something worth watching here, whether it’s the “army of vampires” storyline or the previously mentioned better acting and better directing (it’s darker and more serious). While I can’t call Eclipse an epic, must see, I can say that it could have been a lot worse and it has enough positives to make it worth sitting there for two hours.

I’ve always said from the start that I’m not Twilight’s target demographic (tweens aged 13-17 and cougars aged 45-51), but I found something oddly enjoyable about the first film. I kind of embraced its cheesiness and the exaggerated teen angst love story abut teenage outcast Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) falling for eternally teenage vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). It was fun following Bella as she learned about the mysterious pale-faced boy with wild hair that never seems to move and his close-nit “family.” The next film in the series, “New Moon” boringly followed Bella’s frustration with her Edward leaving her (for her safety of course!) while she bonds with teen werewolf Jacob Black (perennially shirtless Taylor Lautner). To call “New Moon” a snooze-fest would be giving it too much praise because everyone likes a good nap every now and then. Luckily I didn’t find myself falling asleep as much in “Eclipse.”

We remember from the end of the first film, (which technically makes the second film borderline unnecessary and pointless), that the evil vampire Victoria (now played by Bryce Dallas Howard) wants to seek revenge on Edward Cullen because he and his Cullen brothers killed her lover James. Does she want to kill Edward himself? Not really, she’d rather kill his lover Bella because he would ruin his (eternal) life. She begins creating an “army of vampires” by first turning a young college student Riley Biers (played by Xavier Samuel) into a vampire during the film’s opening moments. From there they create new vampires who are thirsty for human blood. Why Victoria doesn’t kill Bella while she’s vulnerable, like in the shower, is beyond me. After all, it worked wonders for Norman Bates. But I digress.

The Cullen family decides to team up with the local werewolf clan whom they have a century’s long feud with. Jacob and his hairy brethren decide to put their issues at rest for now, to help save Bella from the bad vampires. He even uses his stinky b.o. to help mask Bella’s human scent. There is some great tension between Jacob and Edward because let’s not forget that Jacob is in love with Bella too although she’s not certain if she feels the same. Ahh teenage love triangles are the epitome of dramatic tension. There’s plenty of that for the fans, but at least Bella doesn’t do anything too stupid this time around like cliff diving and such. There is a great scene involving a tent that seems to be a fan favorite and actually finds both Robert and Taylor with some fine acting ability. And I enjoyed learning some more about the various Cullen clan, one of whom is completely envious of Bella’s human status. The Volurti, the all-powerful vampire-ruling coven from Italy, show up as well. Yet again they are extremely poorly shoehorned into Melissa Rosenberg’s script and therefore given hardly anything to do, except confuse viewers who haven’t read the books. Thanks for nothing Dakota.

I sort of with the film ended on more of a cliffhanger so that I could feel the urge to want to continue watching this series but it doesn’t really. In fact it could end right here. No need for a weird vampire baby, or whatever it is that happens in the next book. Overall this is an improvement over New Moon, and while the film has a more serious and less corny tone as the first film, I still think that one’s slightly better. You Twihards can judge for yourself. GRADE: B-

To Catch a Predator: Get to the Theater and See the Commendable Action Flick “Predators”

One thing’s for certain: most old-school “Predator” fans will enjoy this new vision from B-movie maestro Robert Rodriquez (believe me I know). While he only produced the film, although that whole “Robert Rodriquez Presents” stuff can be slightly tricky, it’s definitely a worthy follow-up to all other sci-fi action flicks starring those creepily dread-locked alien hunters. Even fans of Arnold’s original action hero will be glad to know that Adrien Brody almost comes close to matching Schwarzenegger’s rippling body muscle per muscle. This ain’t the scrawny guy who you remember as the Holocaust survivor in “The Pianist.” It’s good to see the Predator franchise return to it’s action roots after a couple silly, albeit entertaining, confrontations with the extraterrestrials from the “Alien” films.

We see our main characters literally drop out of the sky and into the deep jungle. We’re introduced to several tough-looking dudes, and one woman, who all seem to have a few things in common, they don’t remember how they got here and they are all some kind of trained killer or soldier. One guy’s just a plain ol’ criminal who happens to be on the FBI’s most wanted list. Brody is Royce is seems more concerned with himself to care much about the other people dropped into the same situation. Of course they stick together and slowly realize they’re not exactly in a very familiar jungle. And is that some Jupiter-looking planet up there in the sky?

Turns out they’ve been brought here by those warrior-like alien predators who enjoy hunting the most intelligent and sophisticated game they can get their hands on. Human killers and soldiers of course! We learn pretty quickly what all the characters deals are including Topher Grace’s Edwin who seems wildly out of place. Turns out he’s a doctor and from what I can tell has been brought there to help heal those who might become the predator’s victims. How exactly you repair someone’s ripped out spinal column and skull is beyond me, but heck I never went to medical school. So not only does these band of survivors have to evade the sly predators but they must try and figure out a way to get the heck home! And luckily a half-crazy Laurence Fishburne shows up for some needed exposition.

I was pleasantly surprised to the find that the film had a good sense of atmosphere and an overall sense of dread. I credit director Nimrod Antal who made the harshly underrated thriller “Vacancy” a few years back. While I didn’t necessarily relate to many of the characters, including the most wanted guy (The Sheild’s Walton Goggins) it was sort of enjoyable to see him attempt to shiv the predators with his tiny knife while the others are equipped with massive machine guns and handguns. And with that said there’s plenty of blood and guts for those who enjoy that sort of thing. I’m talking about myself of course. I could have done without a certain character revelation in the film's last act, but that's really nitpicking here. Otherwise the film is swift, action-packed and suspenseful.

“Predators,” call it a reboot or a sequel (it references the events of the first film), is a fun time at the movies if you enjoy this kind of thing. It takes an already established and highly regarded fan favorite franchise and respects it (I loved composer John Debney’s homage to Alan Silvestri’s original score). You can tell Rodriquez is a fan of the series and only wanted to attempt to please those who enjoy the original while maybe garnering a few new fans along the way. “Predators” is definitely worth seeking out. GRADE: B

Air Pollution: M. Night Shyamalan is Out of His Element with “The Last Airbender”

There was one thought I couldn’t get out of my mind while watching “The Last Airbender,” a story about a world in which the four natural elements (earth, air, fire and water) are an integral part of the plot: Where is Captain Planet so he can take out this garbage? I realize there are many fans of the Nickelodeon Asian-influenced animated series “Avatar: The Last Airbender” and maybe they’ll get more out of the movie than I would, but still I think they’ll be throwing rotten tomatoes at the screen assuming they were smart enough to bring some to the theater. The latest dreck from once cinematic master M. Night Shyamalan just sort of sits there like a dead fish. I wanted emotion. I wanted to feel involved. I wanted to be entertained. None of that happened while watching “The Last Airbender.”

I knew nothing about the original series which takes place in a magical world. There are four nations and they each have their own natural element. Some people in each nation can manipulate the element with martial arts moves. There is always one person, however, who can manipulate all four elements and is required to help maintain tranquility amongst all four nations. This person is known as the Avatar. And he isn’t a blue alien with dreadlocks. It turns out that little Aang (Noah Ringer; a far cry from Haley Joel Osment) is the last of his air bending tribe and just so happens to be the Avatar. He’s discovered frozen in an iceberg by Katara (a wooden Nichal Petz) and her older brother Sokka (an almost as wooden Jason Rathbone). They get him out and Katara feels the need to protect him. Then the ridiculously confusing story begins about Avatars and the evil Fire Nation and then Dev Patel from “Slumdog Millionaire” shows up as the flawed bad guy with corny martial arts moves.

I can tell you that after actually watching the first two episodes of the original series that those 46 minutes were 110 times more compelling that happens in the live action movie. I think there are several reasons why it just doesn’t work. Shyamalan who no one doubts is an original filmmaker who likes to tell creative stories just somehow can’t develop his characters well enough for anyone to care about them. Perhaps he was just assuming everyone who would see the movie would automatically have seen the show? I think Shyamalan works better telling ghost stories and is really good at getting the audience to think about the unknown. There’s actually too much going onscreen. The action feels jumbled and looks confusing. And then there are the actual martial arts-inspired moves the characters use to manipulate the elements. These characters just look silly because the choreography just looks dumb. The effects themselves are ok, but nothing to write home about.

For the most part I was bored by Shyamalan’s version of “The Last Airbender.” Odds are you’ll be bored too. It’s too bad because while I never was too excited about the film when the trailer first hit, the story of the “Avatar The Last Airbender” is actually more entertaining than I ever gave it credit for and in just a couple episodes it was so clear that Shyamalan’s vision is just completely sub par. I hate to compare someone’s work to the original, but even if this was another of Shyamalan’s original creations, it still just ain’t happening. I think he needs to take it as a sign because it seems like the poor guy’s career isn’t unbreakable after all. GRADE: D+

Note: The so-called “racism” involving the film’s casting didn’t bother me and isn’t a reason why the movie is so bad. Whether the heroes were played by white people or Asian people or shadow puppets, it would have been bad either way.

The Brat Pack: “Grown Ups” is Stupid and Childish and Sort of Funny

Adam Sandler never really attempts to make amazing films. And sometimes you just have to admire that. You can easily get a well written comedy by the likes of Woody Allen or Judd Apatow, but sometimes you just want dumb, dumb, dumb. Just credit Sandler as the screenwriter and pair him with director Dennis Dugan and there ya go! You have crappy comedy gold. I’m not saying that Sandler isn’t a talented person or anything; he’s made a terrific career from playing goofballs (Happy Gilmore) and idiots (Billy Madison) and buffoons (The Waterboy) etc, but he does seem to make the same movie over and over again. Of course sometimes we want to see something stupid. After all, who doesn’t enjoy “Happy Gilmore” on some level?

With Grown Ups we get more of the same childish antics and scatological jokes, constantly being performed by supposed adult characters. Here we have Sandler as Lenny Feder, a rich movie producer with bratty kids and Salma Hayek as his wife. He learns that his old basketball coach has passes away and reunites with his former buddies for the funeral and weekend in lake house with their families. Think “The Big Chill” but with no artistic merit whatsoever. In fact the whole movie can best be described as lame and with sophomoric comedy with unnecessary emotional drivel. But you know what? I actually was amused and laughed. And that’s a lot more than I can say for the Get Him to the Greek, a comedy that hardly made laugh at all.

So who are all the other “grown ups” in this movie? We have Kevin James playing Eric, who’s married to Sally (Maria Bello). As an aside I’d like to say that I enjoyed watching actresses like Salma Hayek and Maria Bello slum it up in a dumb movie like this. I take it that they don’t take their dramatic acting careers too seriously and know how to let loose and have a fun time. And besides, they can actually sometimes be funny. Eric and Sally have two kids: a rotund daughter who seems she could pass for James’ real life offspring and a four year-old son who still breastfeeds. Prepare yourself for lots of breastfeeding jokes. Then we have Chris Rock who plays Kurt. He’s married to Deanne (Maya Rudolph) and they have a couple of kids too. Deanne’s mother tags along to provide mean jokes at Kurt’s expense. The always unreliable Rob Schneider doesn’t even get a fresh character name; he plays Rob who has a thing for older women and he’s married to Gloria (Joyce Van Patten). Expect lots of old ladies are gross jokes. Then there’s the fifth friend of the group, who seems like the most unnecessary character of the lot Marcus, played by David Spade. He’s not married and comes to the lake house for the weekend by himself. He’s basically just the gang’s punching bag. In fact, 85% of the dialogue has to do with the characters insulting each other.

Since there isn’t really a plot, I won’t bring it up. So basically that’s about it. We get scenes of the guys learning some life lessons, taking the kids to a water park, where they turn the water blue in the kiddie pool by urinating in the water. Although the gag would have worked better if the water turned a different color, let’s say green, cause let’s face it, pool water already looks blue. And sue me for chuckling when Salma Hayek, while attempting to skip rocks, chucks a stone at her son’s stomach.

Grown Ups is exactly the type of movie you think it is. It’s just as dumb as any of the other scripts Adam Sandler has written before: Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Waterboy, Big Daddy etc. While Sandler has shown range in other movies like “Punch Drunk Love,” “Spanglish” and the recent “Funny People,” “Grown Ups” proves that you can take the man out of the child but you can’t take the child out of the man. Wait, what? GRADE: B-

A Knight to Remember: “Knight and Day” is a Fun Summer Action Comedy

“Knight and Day” is a loud action movie with lots of CGI effects and movie stars and explosions and bits of comic relief. It doesn’t really offer much more than that, but what do you expect from a summer movie being sold on the promise of being just a fun, action comedy? If you’re a fan of stars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz that also helps. I find them to be enjoyable when they’re in the right movie and here they seem to be a good fit for each other. I last remember seeing them together in the weird “Vanilla Sky,” a movie I didn’t quite get as didn’t millions of other people. But “Knight and Day” is a much more normal movie. You might even call it a retread or clichéd or unoriginal (think "Romancing the Stone" meets "True Lies" with a twist of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"). “Knight and Day” is a movie that, while not perfect, offers enough benefits that will certainly keep you entertained for its run time.

I don’t care if you think Tom Cruise is crazy, maybe he is, but he’s a decent actor and is charming nonetheless. You don’t turn into Tom Cruise if you don’t at least have some sort of talent. Here he plays Roy Miller a super spy who we’ll learn has gone “rogue.” And don’t ask me if he supports Sarah Palin. He seems to randomly bump into June Havens (Diaz) at the airport and wind up on the same plane together. Of course this is not a coincidence. It turns out Roy has the film’s MacGuffin and the bad guys (whom I’ll always refer to as in this review) want it. Poor June. She just wants to get home for her younger sister’s wedding and within the film’s opening sequences she’s already almost died in a plane which Roy has to land swiftly in a corn field because he sort of shot the plane’s pilot. But I think he was a bad guy. Long story short there are bad guys after Roy’s MacGuffin and June is forced to tag along cause her chances of surviving with Roy’s help are slim.

It’s not a coincidence that when June first bumped into Roy she was attracted to him. If June’s character wasn’t going to find Roy attractive Roy would have probably been played by Steve Buscemi or someone similar. You don’t cast Tom Cruise and not have the leading lady fall helplessly in love. So the rest of the film involves Roy dragging a smitten June around the globe with him as he evades the bad guys. He also has to protect Simon Feck (Paul Dano) who is the brilliant young man who invented the film’s MacGuffin. Along the way we also meet Mr. and Mrs. Knight, who we find out are Roy’s parents, living a quite life in New England. They think they’re son is dead and can’t understand why they keep winning the lotto and Publisher’s Clearing House. That was a nice touch.

James Mangold directed the film, who has made recent movies like Walk the Line and 3:10 to Yuma. I’m not sure you’d expect his next film to be something like “Knight and Day” to be his next logical project, but he seems like a director who is happy jumping from genre to genre. He displays some fun visual tricks which were pretty ridiculous but belong squarely in a summer action movie such as this one. I enjoyed the shot of Roy riding up along a runaway car June is trapped in, jumping off and landing right on the hood of the car. You’ve probably seen that in the trailer, it was absurd then and certainly absurd in context and yet isn’t any less enjoyable. Heck there’s even some witty banter thrown in by first time screenwriter Patrick O’Neill.

“Knight and Day” is a movie that in the wrong hands could have been a big loud mess. Here it’s not so much a mess, but rather a fun, escapist summer movie that will probably be forgotten about in a few years, but still memorable in a summer filled with sequels and reboots and remakes. Oh my. GRADE: B

Greek Tragedy: “Get Him to the Greek” is Somewhere I Wish I Hadn’t Gone

I’m sort of surprised by the decent reviews of the latest Judd Apatow produced comedy “Get Him to the Greek.” Ok sure it doesn’t have a 100% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but the fact that anyone could think this film is as good as all the other great recent comedies out there is seriously crazy. I really enjoyed “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” which was wonderfully written by (and starred) Jason Segal. That film featured a wonderful scene stealing turn by British comedian Russell Brand, as wild rocker Aldous Snow, who stole the aforementioned Sarah Marshall away from our hapless hero. He was so enjoyable that those silly Hollywood people actually though he should have his own movie. It was a decent idea and I think it’s better than a flat out sequel, which would just feel unnecessary. Here however, unless you think Aldous Snow is the funniest character since Borat, you might find yourself in search of serious laughs. I didn’t find very many in “Get Him to the Greek.”

The one thing about an Apatow Production is that whether you find yourself laughing hysterically or not, you bound to at least be entertained. I was mildly entertained by this film, but I didn’t really care about the characters and I never felt any suspense as to whether Jonah Hill’s character Aaron Green would actually succeed in his mission to escort the crazy Mr. Snow to the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles for his anniversary rock concert. This could have been a wild and fun road movie where crazy things happen (Road Trip? Or even “The Hangover”) but instead we just get scenes of Aldous partying it up. I think there’s supposed to be some skewering of the music industry somewhere in here, but since I’m not very well-versed in that area I’m sure many things went over my head… but not all.

There are some things that writer/director Nicholas Stoller (who directed “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) gets right thankfully and that is the songs performed by Aldous Snow and his equally outlandish ex-girlfriend Jackie Q played hilariously by Rose Byrne. I think the movie should have followed her around for two hours. She has a few amusing song performances of which we see in music video form (one of which we see was directed by Hollywood punching bag Brett Ratner). The movie plays up the idea that songs like “Inside of You” “Supertight” and “African Child” could actually be hit songs in the real world. Although to be fair in the world of “Get Him to the Greek” African Child completely bombed and signaled the beginning of the end of Aldous Snow. The mocking of the celebrity life and culture is what this movie does best and if it focused more on that than just Jonah Hill and Russell Brand hamming it up and smoking pot and drinking alcohol and smuggling heroin I think it could have been a lot funnier. And thank God for that Kristen Bell cameo as Sarah Marshall starring in a new TV drama called “Blind Medicine.”

“Get Him to the Greek” is entertaining for the most part when it’s not trying to be overly sentimental or getting bogged down in tiresome third act plot developments. (Our two heroes and Aaron’s girlfriend, played by Elisabeth Moss, seems weird and unnecessary especially when we feel like the movie should be coming to an end). Long story short (too late) is that maybe I just didn’t love Aldous Snow enough for him to get his own movie. If you love that character then you will probably love the movie. For anyone else you’re better off waiting for Judd Apatow’s next production. GRADE: C+

PS – And what’s with “Sean Combs” in this movie anyways? People are saying he’s funny, I certainly didn’t think so.

Let’s Hear it For the Toys: The Gang is Back in the Charming and Enjoyable “Toy Story 3”

Leave it to Pixar to make a second sequel which feels like one of the most original and entertaining films of the year. See, sequels and remakes aren’t all that bad as long as they’re in the right hands. And Pixar’s hands have the Golden Touch. Sure any movie that has 3 in the title is not going to be the best movie ever or anything, but this proves that a trilogy, that was never meant to be a trilogy in the first place, can have three wonderful films that all fit together perfectly and are constantly surprising, charming and witty. To be honest, the Toy Story films were never my favorites of the Pixar cannon but they are certainly amazing films. So I never felt like I needed to see a third Toy Story film and since Pixar does such a great job coming up with original stories it seemed a little silly that they really needed to make this film. But even though it’s number 3 it’s still fresh and original, for the most part.

It’s been eleven years since the release of “Toy Story 2” and I’m not quite sure how much time has passed in the Toy Story movie world, but now the young boy Andy is almost all grown up. Well he’s seventeen and ready to go off to college much to his mother’s sadness. He’s not really sure what to do with all his favorite toys. They mean a lot to him, but he doesn’t need to pay with them anymore. And Buzz and Woody and the gang are a little stressed out. What’s to become of them? Will they be given away? Will Andy just toss them in the trash? They just want to be played with and loved.

Through a little misunderstanding, as is the case with these films, the gang ends up accidentally being donated to a local day care center called Sunnyside. They meet a bunch of new toys who show them around. This includes Lotso Huggin Bear, a fluffy, purple bear voiced by Ned Beatty. He seems to be in charge and makes the new toys feel welcome. Although things seem fishy when he puts them in the room where preschoolers play and treat the toys as if they were just dinky, disposable playthings. They are painted on, and glittered and thrown against the wall. These little toddlers don’t know how to treat toys exactly because, hey, they’re toddlers. It seems odd that Lotso and his friends are in the room with the well-behaved kids. Hmm I smell a similar Toy Story 2 plotline that involved Pete the Prospector. Leave it to the great minds at Pixar to come up with a plot about day care center being worse than prison. Oh and there’s the new toy Ken (Michael Keaton) whom is certain to be a fan favorite.

I don’t want to divulge too much of the rest of the plot, because that would just be unfair. Sure Toy Story 3 isn’t the most original or even close to one of the best Pixar films, but with such a high track record are you even surprised? It just can’t measure up to the genius that were “Finding Nemo,” “Cars” and “Up.” But you know what? These guys, who worked from a script by “Little Miss Sunshine’s” Michael Arndt, know how to get the audience emotionally invested in characters made entirely out of computer animated pixels. I dare you not to shed a tear at the end and think of all of your own favorite toys you were obsessed with as a kid.

“Toy Story 3” is a well-made sequel, with top notch voice talent and terrific animation, which deserves to sit right along side its equally intelligent and delightful predecessors. It introduces some great new characters and an emotionally rewarding story that will grab your heart and refuse to let go. With success after success does anyone really think Pixar will ever make a crappy movie? I doubt it. GRADE: A-

Weird Science: “Splice” is an Unconventional Science Fiction Thriller

I’m giving “Splice” a positive review overall, but be forewarned this is a super weird film that is not for the average moviegoer’s tastes. It involves a premise we’ve all seen before, borderline “mad” scientists create monstrous creature with the best intentions. Everything then goes wrong. This isn’t exactly “Frankenstein.” It’s not even “The Fly.” I’ve even heard someone refer to it as “Species” meets “It’s Alive.” Whatever you want to call it, it’s certainly unconventionally done as would be expected from the guy who brought us the “Saw” precursor torture flick “Cube” way back in 1997. And of course like all great science fiction it has a social message and deals with ethical and moral situations to the utmost degree.

Like ethical situation number 32, should you mate with the humanoid creature that you created in a lab just a few months prior? Ok ok, I’m getting ahead of myself here and you can consider that a minor spoiler, but odds are your probably not going to be seeing this movie right? Let’s start at the begging, where we’re introduced to Clive (Adrien Brody) and Elsa (Sarah Polley). They are hip biomedical scientists (and lovers) who are really good at splicing together various animal genes to create new species. They work for a pharmaceutical house who funds their research in hopes of creating cures for various human diseases (maybe we shouldn’t be trying this hard to cure cancer, etc?) They created this two alien blob looking creature whom they dub Fred and Ginger. In a little bit of foreshadowing, they want the two of them to mate.

It turns out that Elsa is the real mad scientist here and decides it would be a completely good idea to splice human DNA with that of either Fred or Ginger. Much to Clive’s frustration he hesitantly goes along with it as long as she doesn’t bring the being full term. But of course she does! She births it and nearly dies doing it because apparently their creation has a poisonous, barbed tail. The creature sort of looks like something out of an early Peter Jackson gore fest. And has an accelerated grow, because honestly no one would want to sit through a 4 hour version of this movie slowly waiting for the creature to come of age. Before we know it the little monster is a young girl and then a young woman (played with some CGI help by Delphine Chanéac) with kangaroo legs and a tail.

Then come lots of other ethical issues besides the ones involving whether it’s actually a good idea to splice human DNA and weird creature DNA. Those things I wont get into because it’s probably best to not know. I will praise the film for taking itself seriously because this could have easily gone the campy route but director Vincenzo Natali plays it all straight. He wanted to make the most realistic film he could I believe he succeeded in that arena. There are even scenes that reminded me of parts of everything from “Jurassic Park” to “King Kong.” There will be those who laugh at what they’re seeing on screen, which I think will be a normal human reaction.

I applaud Natali for going to places other directors and studios would have dared not go and good for Warner Bros for releasing a film like this, which could have easily gone straight to DVD for giving it chance. If you’re a fan of science fiction and even horror, although the film isn’t particularly scary, you’d be doing yourself a favor by checking out “Splice.” It’s a film that has some pretty shocking images and will certainly get folks talking long after the credits roll. GRADE: B

Brother, Can You Spare Some Time? “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” is a Decent Enough Time Waster

“Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” dares to answer the age old question: Where the beef? Apparently it’s in the formerly scrawny Hollywood actor Jake Gyllenhaal. Most people will make a big deal about Jake beefing up for the role of a Persian prince who was made popular in a video game series that I don’t know anything about. To be honest I wasn’t really expecting much from this Jerry Bruckheimer production besides lots of dizzying camera tricks and explosions and never-ending action sequences. Yes the film has all of that but it does breeze by and luckily it lasts under two hours instead of those other bloated “Pirate of the Caribbean” movies which seem to go on forever. That being said, I can’t exactly say I loved “Prince of Persia” but at the same time I found myself engaged enough where I didn’t feel the need to claw my own eyes out, so there’s that.

I was worried the plot would be inconceivable, much like those overblown “Pirates” movies where even the most bloated scenes of exposition don’t seem to make a whirl of sense. I think I got the gist here. Basically back when the Persian Empire was taking over the Middle East, the King came across Aladdin, um, I mean Dastan a young street rat. He liked his spunk and decided to adopt him as a son. He grows up to be Prince Dastan (Gyllenhaal) who doesn’t even remotely look Persian. Do I even know what a Persian looks like? Not really, but I’m assuming not like Jake Gyllenhaal. But I digress, as the young man, who is envied by his “brothers” and even his uncle (Ben Kingsley). Someone is a little too jealous and poison’s the King’s cloak. Using some form of acid (perhaps Alien blood?) the King is murdered. Dastan is the obvious scapegoat and in a scene right out of The Lion King, Dastan is exiled from his former palace home.

Meanwhile a dagger which has magical time travel abilities makes itself known when Dastan mistakenly presses the button on the handle. It sends him in back in time about thirty seconds. Tamina (Gemma Arterton) is a princess whose city was taken over by the Persians. Dastan sets out to prove his innocence, while Tamina’s only concern is this magical Dagger which can turn back time. These two can’t seem to get along and it proves right from the beginning that they will fall in love. Meanwhile they meet up with Sheik Amar whose main concern is ostrich racing. Amar is played by Alfred Molina and as you can imagine he’s better than the movie deserves. Thank goodness for Alfred.

There is a lot more going on and I think I understood what was going on, but I’d rather not discuss it because honestly does anyone really care? I certainly don’t. The film is based on a video game so plot isn’t exactly something to be too concerned with. Director Mike Newell, who Harry Potter fans will recognize as the director of “Goble of Fire,” seems suited to the material, oh I dunno because I guess it makes sense for the direct of “Mona Lisa Smile” to graduate to directing a Jerry Bruckheimer action spectacle.

Let me be frank, this isn’t mindless action entertainment like Michael Bay gives us. There are many worse movies than “Prince of Persia: The Sand of Time.” It’s really just an average action movie with fantastical elements that will certainly please fans of the videogame. It all really felt like a weird mash-up of Indiana Jones, “The Mummy,” “Aladdin” and “Pirates of Caribbean.” I had a good enough time; do I really want to watch it again? Not really. It has good performances from its actors (although is it me or does Ben Kingsley sometimes give really silly, campy performances?) and its plot isn’t quite as incomprehensible once you kind of sort it all out. Jake and Gemma have good enough chemistry and at least everything is over pretty quickly. You could do a lot worse. GRADE: C+

Back in the Hood: Ridley Scott’s “Robin Hood” is Not Very Legendary

“Are you not entertained?” – Maximus, Gladiator

“Correct.” – Me, after watching Robin Hood

I don’t know too much about Robin Hood, but what I did know is that I was excited to see the Ridley Scott/Russell Crowe version. I wasn’t a big fan of Gladiator at first, but now it’s become a movie that gets better with every viewing. I like its style and grittiness and much of the same style is ported over into “Robin Hood,” another retelling of the possibly fictional, possibly real outlaw from 12th century England who “stole from the rich and gave to the poor” under the tyranny caused by King John after his brother King Richard left to fight in the Crusades. How much of this is historically accurate? I have no idea. But what I do know is that this new “Robin Hood” is as exciting as a day of jury duty (Not that I would know of course, knock on wood).

I was hoping this film would start my obsession with Robin Hood, but alas it has disappointed me. What most people don’t know and should probably know going in, is that writer Brian Helgeland has written a script that works as a prequel. And it’s profoundly confusing. I expect much better from the writer of “A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4: The Dream Master.” We see how Robin becomes the Robin Hood that most people are familiar with. There is swordplay and lots of arrows fired, but I didn’t see much stealing from the rich or giving to the poor. In fact, what I noticed was a lot of confusion. I mean what the heck is going on in this movie? Not knowing it was a prequel didn’t help much, as nothing I was expecting of Robin Hood actually happened on screen. In fact, most of my Robin Hood knowledge comes from the Mel Brooks’ spoof “Robin Hood Men in Tights” which I don’t even really like all that much to begin with.

From what I can make out in this new flick is Robin (Crowe, very Maximus-esque) is making his way back from fighting in the Crusades with King Richard. King Richard is killed and meanwhile his brother John takes over. He’s a womanizing jerk. Robin wants to seek vengeance for King Richard’s death and the new king’s tyranny. Then there’s Maid Marion (the always reliable Cate Blanchett) who just might have the hots for Robin. They have a sort of love-hate relationship. If this is the film’s most interesting aspect that’s fine, cause there’s not much else. Oh yeah we have “Little John” in the form of the guy from “Lost” who was on the freighter. There are some comic relief jokes here and there, but nothing like the light-hearted fun that’s supposedly the staple of the very early screen versions (Of which, I have, shockingly, never seen).

Ok, so there’s nothing really technically wrong with Robin Hood. Ridley Scott is a good director and he has his distinct style and sometimes he just likes to copy it over and over again. If you’re entertained by strong battle scenes, which seemed rather intense for a PG-13 rated film, but pretty much void of gore (zzzZZZzzz) then this is for you. To be honest, I wanted to love this and I didn’t. Give me “Gladiator” anyday. GRADE: C-

MacGuffin’ It: Going Mad for Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho”

“Oh, just fast-forward to the part when she gets to the motel.” – My mom
During a family vacation to Orlando, Florida we stopped by the Universal Studios theme park. It was 1993, I believe, and I was about nine or ten years old. There used to be an attraction, which sadly no longer exists, called Alfred Hitchcock: The Art of Making Movies. At this age I had not seen nor ever really heard much about Alfred Hitchcock or his films. My parents explained that he was a director who made suspense films. I know I loved movies and I figured hey why not? The first part of the attraction featured a film reel in 3D with a scene from “Dial M for Murder” and an attack from “The Birds.” Then you were escorted into another theater where a recreation of the Psycho set was on display. Here we learned about Hitchcock’s famous “shower scene” which of course I knew nothing about. And as part of the attraction a huge screen was lowered and they showed the scene from the movie. I can’t say that I was completely scared to death, but I was frightened and strangely intrigued. A movie about a guy who dresses as his mother while he kills people in the shower? I was so there! Universal even had a recreation of the original set of the Bates Motel and Psycho house on display at the park which I thought was so cool (Which are now located at Universal Studios in Hollywood). I even brought home a notepad in the shape of the Psycho house and a red pen shaped like a knife as a souvenir.

Months later back at home at the local video store, my mom thought it would be a good idea to rent some of Hitchcock’s films. I’m not quite sure what she was thinking, but I don’t regret it. I watched "The Birds" and loved it. I watched "Psycho" which I loved even more. I remember scoping out the videocassette at the store and noticing that it was “rated M for mature.” I asked my mom, “Am I mature?” I think she just nodded her head and laughed. I mean what ten year-old who is the son of a woman renting "Psycho" for her child, is not mature? I went home and watched the movie and I’m pretty sure I had no idea what the heck was going on. The first forty minutes seemed to be about some woman who likes to drive a lot. Finally she checks into the Bates Motel and is brutally stabbed in the shower. I remember they showed the film on AMC one night and I taped it. I had to watch the movie over and over again. And even when I had my friends come over, I’d say, “You wanna watch Psycho?” And we’d put it on and then my mother, possibly herself bored with the film’s slower first act, would insist that we fast-forward to when Janet Leigh gets to the motel.

I’m not sure why I became fascinated with Hitchcock’s masterpiece at such a young age, but perhaps it was fate. I think I was destined to absolutely love the Slasher Genre. Because I think it was basically the year before or year after that I was shown “Halloween” and I was equally terrified and enthralled by it. “Psycho” is a great film for all of the reasons you’ve already heard of. It kills its lead actress in the first 40 minutes. It’s shot in stark black and white because Hitchcock insisted the film would be too gory. Hitchcock revolutionized the way people go to the movies when he employed a “no late entry” policy at theaters showing the film. If the film had started, you weren’t even allowed in. And oh that music! How could you not get chills when those stark strings churn out one of the creepiest stings in all of cinema? The shower scene is still to this day the most famous, and arguably, the best moments in American film. Norman Bates is such a memorable character mostly because of Anthony Perkins’ outstanding portrayal. And let’s not forget he would reprise his most famous role three more times. Yes there are actually a total of four “Psycho” films and I’ve seen them all. I own them. “Psycho II” is a pretty decent 80s take on the Norman Bates saga. “Psycho III” is artsy and easily forgettable but remembered for its famous director (Perkins himself!) and “Psycho IV The Beginning” is a fascinating prequel which shows Norman’s messed up childhood and how he went about murdering his own mother. The less said about the equally fascinating (because it famously used the same script and camera angles) yet horrendous remake the better.

And wouldn’t you know that 2010 marks the 50th anniversary of this classic, groundbreaking movie. (Which was just announced for release on Blu-Ray!) It was a film that shocked audiences around the world, perhaps in part that it was very loosely based on a real killer’s crimes (that of Wisconsin’s Ed Gein), and in my own living room where the memories of first watching Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho are as fresh as ever. Psycho is a celebration of cinematic sound and vision that will forever hold up as the granddaddy of modern horror and the perfect topping to a brilliant showman’s wondrous career. Thanks mom, for renting "Psycho." I guess a boy's best friend is his mother. GRADE: A+

The Stark Knight: “Iron Man 2” is a Fun and Worthy Sequel, But Can’t Match the Original

I wasn’t expecting too much from the first “Iron Man” movie back in 2008. I knew nothing of the character, and I figured, hey, it might just be a fun waste of time. It was certainly fun and not a waste of time at all. I was pleasantly surprised. And even thought it came out just a couple months before The Dark Knight, no one was really expecting all that much from Robert Downey Jr.’s portrayal of what seemed like a superhero no one really cared about. I was certainly wrong. The movie did extremely well at the box office and was a critical success. I was fascinated by Downey’s performance as Tony Stark, a hot shot billionaire and CEO of his father’s weapons business. And after a harrowing ordeal as a POW he escapes and becomes the most unlikely and narcissistic superhero of them all. Iron Man was great fun and while I loved the movie, I could honestly care less about the continuing story. Sure I wanted to see Iron Man 2, but much like the first one, I had very little expectations.

I will say upfront, that I think I enjoyed the first “Iron Man” movie, but “Iron Man 2” is definitely a worth sequel and anyone who loved the first movie is bound to like the second chapter. Downey is as wonderful as ever reprising his role as the cocky Tony Stark. I think this guy was born to play this role and it’s too bad he had to spend all those years a complete mess before getting there, but I guess it’s been worth it. We find that Stark’s arc reactor, which is that round thing in the middle of his chest that keeps him alive, is malfunctioning and is slowly poisoning him. He thinks he’s going to die soon and begins to become reckless. He even appoints his personal assistant Pepper Potts (a wonderful Gwyneth Paltrow) as CEO of his company. And he replaces her with the mysterious Natalie Rushman (Scarlett Johansson). It seems like she seems a lot tougher than she looks. Meanwhile, Stark’s competitor Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) is trying to come up with his own Iron Man suit technology. The government insists that Stark give up his suit and its technology so it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. And of course Hammer isn’t the nicest guy in the world and breaks out a Russian bad guy named Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke) who caused some ruckus in a wonder scene at a racetrack where he was able to recreate a version of Tony’s arc reactor and used electrified whips. It turns out his father used to work for Tony’s father and he’s bent on revenge for being deported back to Russia.

There is a lot going on in Iron Man 2 and maybe that is its greatest fault. It’s never too confusing, I was pretty much aware of everything going on, but it was a lot to digest. Director Jon Favreau does a good job of balancing everything and he makes scenes that should be exciting very exciting. I loved the scene of Ivan’s attack at the racetrack. And when we see Tony put on that suit with all the CGI metal transforming around him it was certainly a heroic image. Of course once we don’t see Robert Downey Jr. anymore a bit is lost as it just seems like any other fancy robot trying to kick butt. Oh wait there’s more, Tony’s friend Lt. Col. James Rhodes (Don Cheadle replacing Terrance Howard) gets in on the Iron Man fun and uses one of Tony’s suits to help him out. And then there’s Samuel L. Jackson, who exists only for the fan boys who salivate at the idea that he’s trying to recruit Tony Stark into what will eventually be an “Avengers” movie. Writer Justin Theroex who also co-wrote Downey’s fantastic hit “Tropic Thunder” juggles a lot of story in a two hour runtime which he does well enough. But it does seem a bit bloated as if he’s trying to please everyone. It works much better here than it did in let’s say “Spider-Man 3,” which felt like there was too much going on and yet it felt a little hollow.

"Iron Man 2" is a fun movie and a great way to kick off the summer movie season. People who enjoyed the first film will mostly like find something to like here. The film really works because of Robert Downey Jr.’s great performance and I really enjoyed Pepper’s expanded role this time around because she was so enjoyable in the first film as well. Johansson proves she can be an action star and Rourke is perfectly cast. “Iron Man 2” is not a deep film in the way “The Dark Knight” is and I still think the first film works better, but it’s really fun and offers two hours of explosive entertainment that won’t make your head hurt. GRADE: B