American Idol: Brad Pitt Stars in a Movie About “The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford”

There are plenty of beautiful bad movies: movies that satisfy the eye but stupefy the brain. While “The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford” by definition isn’t really a bad movie, there are far too many elements that threaten to make it an enjoyable. Your eyes will be amazed…if they can stay open. Headlined by a terrific performance from veteran Brad Pitt and an equally strong supporting one by Casey Affleck (who’s on a roll after Gone Baby Gone). The photography here is simply stunning, it crackles with beautiful textures, lights and darkness. There’s so much here that director Andrew Dominik could have cut out; (although you have to admire this auspicious and continually delayed project), it seems like an editor’s wet dream.

The movie starts out so strongly, that you can’t help but feel slightly disappointed when it muddles and meanders in the middle section. We’re introduced to Jesse James (Pitt) circa late 1800s as he rocks back and forth in his old rocking chair and the narrator gives us a little backstory. Then we’re slowly introduced to his gang of outlaws. There’s Jesse’s cousin Wood Hite (Jeremey Renner), Dick Liddil (Paul Schneider) Charley Ford (Sam Rockwell) and his brother Bob (Affleck). Then we have a terrifically exciting and technically masterful train robbery scene.

This is one of the best robbery scenes of recent memory. The suspense just completely builds in such a satisfying way. Jesse puts his ear to the train track and the scene goes completely dark until we see a faint light grow stronger in the distance. The camera remains motionless as the train comes forward and somehow the camera begins moving backwards with the train. I’m not sure how they did it but it was a pretty cool shot. The music, editing and camerawork all come together to put on a great cinematic show.

While the remaining two hours is still beautiful, I didn’t find much to care about when the film starts to focus more on Jesse’s gang than Jesse himself. Jesse was a celebrity back in the day, much like Pitt is now and I wish more was focused on Robert’s idolization of him. But the film’s last third is redeemed when the story focuses on Robert’s slight fixation. He emulates Jesse. We don’t really know if he wants him or if he wants to be him. Sometimes he seems so obsessed we’re waiting for him to strap Jesse down and take out his ankles with a sledgehammer. Of course, we all know what happens and it’s that passion that turns towards murder that is most fascinating.

The film’s cinematography by always reliable Roger Deakins (The Shawshank Redemption) is simply among the year’s best. The music is haunting and efficient. The costume and set design are, as far as I could tell, accurate and definitely helped you believe this was taking place in the late 1800s. All of the creative artists have come together and do beautiful work. All the elements seem to be in place, if only the story could have been more exciting. Perhaps, it’s because I’ve never found the Western genre to be that particularly interesting. In fact, I can’t even think of a Western that I’ve really sat entirely through (unless you count “Back to the Future III”).

And of course, the acting is great. Pitt gives another great performance (after his terrific turn in last year’s Babel). And this certainly has to be Casey Affleck’s year. He finally is praise worthy and you’d never know he was related to that guy who was in Pearl Harbor (although his directorial debut Gone Baby Gone is certainly one of the year’s best movies). The scenes with these two great actors work the best. Unfortunately Mary Louise Parker as Jesse’s wife doesn’t get very much to do except cry immensely when her husband is shot and killed (hope I didn’t spoil it for you) although she’s very good as well.

The fact is, if you’re a fan of the technical aspect of good filmmaking “Jesse James” has a lot to offer. The beautifully composed shots are just plain astonishing. I did feel slightly confused through out its midsection as to why the focus turned to Jesse’s gang. In the end, it could have been much worse, but at the same time, it could have been even better. GRADE: B-

Girl, Interrupted: “Gone Baby Gone” Answers That Age Old Question: Can Ben Affleck Direct?

"Who directed it?"

“Ben Affleck.”

“The guy who was in Gigli and Armageddon?”

“Yes, you do know he has an Oscar, right?”

“Seriously? You’re kidding me, that guy sucks.”

“Well it’s a Screenwriting Oscar, he wrote Good Will Hunting. It was a great script.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that, him and the Jason Bourne guy won. Yeah I guess I'll see it, I'm sure it has lots of swearing in it.”

I imagine this is a very typical conversation circulating the country in what must be one of the biggest surprises of the year. Ben Affleck has made a terrific movie: “Gone Baby Gone.” He co-wrote the film with Aaron Stockard (who according to imdb was Matt Damon’s assistant on The Talented Mr. Ripley) who based the script on the novel of the same name. The film is about a missing girl in Boston and the young private investigator who digs up some dirty dealings revolving around the child’s disappearance. This movie has so many great things in it I’ll try to be concise. But simply put, this is a terrifically and efficiently made film. Affleck shows complete confidence behind the camera. Good for him.

Let’s start with the terrifically well-written screenplay. It starts off with a seemingly normal and sad story of a mother who lost her daughter, but it’s soon discovered to be a lot more than that. Helene McCready’s (Amy Ryan who totally lets loose) young daughter has disappeared. It appears to be a typical missing child case. There are no thoughts of kidnapping at this point. Helene’s brother and sister-in-law want to hire PI Patrick (Ben’s little bro Casey) and his partner Angie (Michelle Monaghan) to widen the search. The little girl has been missing for a couple days and at this point any chance of finding her is slim. We see that Helene isn’t exactly Mom of the Year. She’s a drug addicted alcoholic who has a mouth like a dirty drug addicted alcoholic (Affleck & Stockard’s dialogue seems genuine and appropriately shocking). We don’t really sympathize with her, and although it doesn’t seem important now, it will be later on. We soon realize this is so much more than a story about a missing girl. As the story unravels, moral complexities are peeled away and characters’ true natures are revealed. We get a peek into this seedy lifestyle. And it’s simply fascinating. We delve deep into a corrupt society with dirty people who do bad things for several reasons. The raises an interesting question though: how can doing something “wrong” making something “right.”

If I was an ethics professor I’d show this film on day one. This film will spark conversations long after it’s over. As an audience we want the little girl found, but do we really want this crack addict mother reunited with this innocent child? To really say anything more about the plot would be to ruin the experience so I will go no further. At this point it’s up to you. This is a thoroughly morose and slightly depressing tale, but it's rewarding and well worth your time.

And like any film directed by an actor, it has terrific performances. The always dependable Morgan Freeman is superb in a pivotal role. And the fact that he’s such a lovable and unquestionably likable actor is vital for his role as the chief of the Boston police. Ed Harris adds another stunning supporting performance to his resume. I’m really amazed with the general casting on this film. I’m not really sure if many of these supporting actors and extras are really actors at all. Affleck and his DP John Toll have really captured the gritty underbelly of Boston in a way similarly to last year’s The Departed, although Gone Baby Gone has much more in common with Mystic River (also based on a Dennis Lehane novel) than that film.

Besides the ethics lesson, if there’s anything to be learned from this film it’s that Ben Affleck really deserves to be behind the camera instead of in front of it. You’ll gain a new found respect for the Beantown native. I’ve never really been too impressed with his staring roles but as a writer and director working on his home turf, he’s as comfortable telling this story as any one of us would be barbequing in our own backyard. GRADE: A

FUN FACT: While “Gone Baby Gone” is Ben Affleck’s feature film directorial debut, according to imdb, he did direct a short film called *taking deep breath* “I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney.”

Rubber Soul: Ryan Gosling Falls For a Sex Doll in the Terrifically Quirky “Lars and the Real Girl”

Good actors will make you believe anything. In “Cast Away,” I’m reminded of Tom Hanks’ spellbinding turn as a man stuck on a deserted island who confides in a volleyball for human interaction. ‘Wilson,’ as the ball is eventually dubbed, is everything to Hanks’ character. We believe that the two are conversing and Hanks can stay sane on the island because he now has a companion. Making an audience believe that a socially awkward man could fall in love with a doll made primarily for guys who want to get it on with a mound of rubber is a whole other scenario. And the terrifically fascinating Ryan Gosling is up for the challenge in “Lars and the Real Girl.”

This movie either fails or succeeds on one thing: whether we, as the audience, believe that Lars (Gosling) believes that Bianca (an inanimate, non-living, motionless sex doll) is a real person. And on that fact alone the movie delivers. We empathize with Lars, who really is a more sympathetic Napoleon Dynamite, although we know (as do his family/friends/fellow townsfolk) that Bianca is simply and utterly a life-sized doll. But we gain to respect her as a real person because to Lars in his crazy little mind she is real.

Let’s back up a little. You’re probably reading this and wondering, what on earth are you talking about. Does a character really fall in love with a doll? And a sex toy no less. Yes it’s true. Gosling plays Lars who is a socially challenged individual who lives in the livable garage of his brother Gus (Paul Schneider) and sister-in-law Karin (Emily Mortimer). He can’t really make human connections although Karin tries ad nauseum. They live in a snowy little town where everyone knows each other. Yes, this is that type of quirky independent movie. Before Gus and Karin know it they’re being introduced to Lars’ new girlfriend Bianca, who’s like a lifeless, brunette version of Pamela Anderson, which he ordered from the Internet.

Gus and Karin are appropriately horrified and dumbfounded. And the audience laughs at the absurdity of the situation. They not surprising seek medical attention and the shrink (Patricia Clarkson) suggests going along with it. Lars needs Bianca to work out whatever it is going on inside his head. Pretty soon it’s not just Gus and Karin that are welcoming Bianca but the entire town. You sense the community among the people and how they all come together to make Bianca feel at home. We believe she’s real because everyone else does.

It’s kind of impressive that Lars comes up with a complete backstory for Bianca. She was a missionary, her parents died when she was a child, she’s in a wheelchair. Both Lars and Bianca are religious so he insists that they don’t share sleeping quarters. And everyone else’s reaction to all of this craziness is something that’s key. We, as an audience, most definitely sympathize with his family members, because we can obviously see that Lars has simply gone to a place far removed from any sane person’s mind. We want to reject Bianca as simply a sex doll, which is what she is. However it’s kind of amazing how quickly we come to realize, like everyone else, that she is a fully realized human being to Lars. And that is simply the magic of the movies.

And simply put Ryan Gosling is a testament to amazing acting. He can submerse himself into various roles and completely have you accept him as that character. He can go from skinhead Neo Nazi, to crack addicted teacher, to lonely psychologically damaged goof in a snap. He makes it look too easy with every twitch of the eye and turn of the head. He’s without a doubt one of the great actors of his generation and has a long, rewarding career ahead of him.

And the fact that the film’s ending is so emotional is a testament to writer Nancy Oliver (of Six Feet Under) and director Craig Gillespie controlling the action in such a way that this can work even though it’s really far fetched. We become emotionally attached to Bianca the way Lars is. And it’s not really hard to believe that Lars would become so attached to this doll. Lars really represents all of us, because we’ve all had crazy thoughts at one point or another. And I’d like to point out Kelli Garner, who kind of reminds me of Claire Danes, is perfectly quirky and awkward as Lars’ co-worker who sort of harbors a little crush on the guy.

This movie is so fun, original and quirky, it’s nearly impossible not to fall in love with it. And although the premise might make you think it’s a trashy movie, it simply isn’t. Taken into the hands of John Waters or the Farrelly Brothers this could have easily become something gross, but it’s not. It’s probably the purist movie out there and you can feel the warmhearted family values seeping through the screen. Those who complain that Hollywood doesn’t have an original idea left in its head certainly are up for a treat with this fantastic little movie. GRADE: A

Mother Nature’s Son: Director Sean Penn Takes Us on a Visceral Journey “Into the Wild”

Please I beg of you. Stop reading this and just go see “Into the Wild.” No review can do it justice. It’s one of the best movies of the year. That’s all…and this review does contain some minor spoilers, but anyone familiar with Christopher McCandless’ true story knows what happens.

“Into the Wild” is the true story of two people, except that they’re really the same person. Alex and Chris. Alex used to be Chris. And Chris has become Alex. Emile Hirsch plays both of them with a fascinating intensity. We believe this young man when he decides to run away from his problems instead of facing them. We see the birth (not literally) of a young man’s journey to forget his past life and start anew. He has wiped the slate clean by cutting up his credit cards, destroying his social security card, leaving behind the people that love him and rejecting the formalities of society. He would rather hang out with trees and wild animals. He’s college educated but doesn’t want to feel strained by having a regular career like everyone else. He wants to be different and so does this movie. It’s a film that will grab you and won’t let go. It is potent filmmaking and will have a lasting effect on you long after the credits have rolled.

This movie has a visceral and emotional impact unlike any other film so far this year. No other movie has affected me in such a way that I felt physically altered, as if I was on the adventure with Alex/Chris. The notion Chris could give up his life, essentially erasing his identity and set off on a new life in the wilds of nature is simply crazy and astounding at the same time. Christopher is reborn as Alexander and the process is cathartic. He trades in his hectic family life for that of the unpredictable life of wandering rebel. He runs from the arms of his concerned birth mother to that of Mother Nature.

The scenic shots of the wilderness are amazing and just as breathtaking as anything on National Geographic and here we have characters we care about. Although, I’ve heard they made Chris’ character more likable for the film, which is understandable. I mean, seriously, would you want to spend 2 ½ hours on a cinematic journey through the landscape with someone you didn’t like? Of course not. While he’s not the most likable screen character (some will see him as a spoiled brat who doesn’t think of anyone but himself), I think many people will identify with his rebelliousness. After all, we all were that age once.

Seasoned actors who decide to direct films constantly amaze me. They always come up with great character driven films that have splendid performances. This film reminded me of the work of Clint Eastwood or Tim Robbins, but with out the lumbering pacing. Sean Penn (who also adapted John Krauker’s best seller) has made a movie that is over two hours that never feels overlong. It’s a journey we want to see stretched out forever because we know what will eventually happen to Alex. And just the fact that he signs his last note with his birth name was enough to give me the chills and turn on the waterworks. It’s an ending many will find depressing and that’s because it is. The ending is inevitable and packs an emotional wallop. But ultimately it’s the only ending that works. For someone who was so adamant about forgetting his past, he realized he couldn’t. He was finally able to acknowledge himself as being Chris.

And for a film that’s all about a man’s solo journey it’s filled with lots of supporting characters. First there’s his family William Hurt is dad, Marcia Gay Harden is mom and Jena Malone is sis who narrates the story for us and we get to understand what she’s going through. While abandoning his former life was practically an F U to his parents, he did care for his sister and we feel her loss. They never knew where he was or what he was really up to. And then there are all the colorful people he meets along his journey including Vince Vaughn as a wheat farmer, Catherine keener and Brian Dierker as an wandering, aging hippie couple, Kristen Stuart as a brief young love interest, and as a lonely old man who climbs a small mountain at Alex’s request Hal Holbrook. You really feel Alex has bonded with these people. And who could forget Pearl Jam front man Eddie Vedder’s haunting and well used songs that recall the success of the “The Graduate” soundtrack. Music here is also a supporting character in the film.


This movie is spellbinding and gripping from start to finish. It’s all the little details that add up. Alex makes extra holes in his belt to signify his hunger, which foreshadows...nevermind. The insert shots of animals, ice melting, birds flying, crabs walking are just beautiful. You really feel as if you’re in the wild with Alex. I can’t say enough positives about this film. Just go and see it and be happy. GRADE: A

She Love’s You Yeah Yeah Yeah: “Feast of Love” Offers a Banquet of Characterizations

“Feast of Love” is about falling in love and out of love and all the crazy little things that loves makes us do. (Such as buying a dog as present for a loved one who has mentioned a million times that she doesn’t like dogs). Director Robert Benton, who won an Oscar way back in the 1970s for directing the family drama “Kramer Vs. Kramer,” brings a 70s-esque feeling to the standard melodramatic proceedings going on here. There is lots of frank sexuality and dialogue that is a throwback to the character driven dramas of the “New Hollywood.” And that alone is reason enough to indulge on this “Feast.” Please don’t let the title dissuade you: It’s a simply dreadful title. Whatever you may think this is not a pornographic horror film.

We’re introduced to Morgan Freeman’s character Harry who adds yet another splendid narration job to his overcrowded resume. He talks of the Greek gods about why they created love: simply because they had nothing better to do. And that pretty much describes Greg Kinnear’s character Bradley. He’s so emotionally blinded that he doesn’t even realize his wife (Selma Blair) is a lesbian and flirts with a fellow softball player in front of his face. Of course Harry notices, because like most narrators, he’s all seeing and all knowing.

Harry’s marriage to Esther (Jane Alexander) is also slightly on the rocks. It turns out they’ve had a huge loss in life and it’s possible that that void could be filled by Oscar (Tobe Hemingway) and his new co-worker/girlfriend Chloe (Alexa Davalos). Their love blossoms into full bloom before you can say, “This can only end tragically.” (And let’s not even mention Oscar’s drunken father played by Fred Ward, oops too late). Oscar and Chloe are workers at Bradley’s coffee shop where he eventually meets Diana (Radha Mitchell) during a heavy rainstorm. He’s instantly flooded with attraction, but remember I said his emotions are blinded: it turns out she’s having a steady long-term affair with already married David (Billy Burke). And of course Harry doesn’t even know it, but they decide to go ahead and get married. You can see where that’s going

I’m not really sure what the point of all of this is, but I can say that I enjoyed it for the most part. While the situations seemed slightly phony and more appropriate for primetime television, I couldn’t help but feel a little wrapped up in it mostly due to the actor’s great performances. They pretty much sell this weak material themselves. The script was written by Allison Burnett based on Charles Baxter’s novel. While the characters sometimes act like adolescents in the throws of first love, I couldn’t help but want to be a part of it. But I guess, like Bradley I was slightly blinded by the fact that this film doesn’t really add much to cinematic history. I appreciated it for what it is and I never found it to be boring or self-indulgent. I’m a fan of talky drams from Hollywood’s New Wave and this was a decent homage. It’s a little sappy to be sure, but it was enough to fulfill my sweet tooth. But darn it change that title already! GRADE: B

Flop in the Name of Love: “Good Luck Chuck” is More Like Good Luck Schmuck

Okay, let me get right to the point. “Good Luck Chuck” is a bad movie and it’s mildly entertaining at best. I was able to get through it without much damage to my brain although most cinephiles will want to run screaming the other way. Don’t get me wrong, “Chuck” is pretty much the bottom of the comedy barrel, but you certainly could do a lot worse (here’s looking at you Chuck and Larry). Yeah it’s offensive, smug, unoriginal, unbelievable and mildly retarded, but still it has enough scattered chuckles to prevent you from committing suicide in your seat.

Don’t care about the story? Too bad here it is: Chuck (Dane Cook, who tries really hard to convince us he’s a dentist) is a cursed man. Some Goth girl cursed poor Chuck back in middle school. Every time he “gets with” a woman she goes on to find the man of her dreams. How is this really a curse? You’re correct, it really isn’t because by the film’s midpoint Chuck has bedded at least 34 beautiful women in various positions. This guy is so dumb he really does think he’s cursed. Oh wait I forgot, he sleeps with ugly fat women too. The poor guy, taking one for the team! All these women think of him as a good luck charm for they are destined to marry the man of their dreams after being with Chuck. Haven’t they heard of match.com? And what beautiful woman has to sleep with a goof like Dane Cook just to meet the man of her dreams? Oh who cares!

So Chuck realizes that this curse is going to get the best of him when he meets Cam (Jessica Alba, who tries really hard to convince us that she’s some sort of penguin scientist). Cam is a klutz for no apparent reason except to give us sporadic chances to laugh at Jessica Alba being hit on the head, running into polls, and smashing her face on the pavement. Oh and she electrocutes Chuck. Is any of this particularly funny? Not really. Chuck loves Cam but he can’t sleep with her or she’ll marry the man of her dreams. Well wouldn’t you think that if they were really meant to be together then they should just do it already and maybe she’d end up marrying Chuck? Of course not; these characters have a mild case of mental retardation so, instead, Chuck acts like a crazy fool and professes his love in rather psychotic ways like showing up at her work dressed like a penguin. How cute! Cam quickly labeled Chuck a stalker freak and refuses to see him. Aww shucks!

Most offensive of all is Chuck’s plastic surgeon friend Stu (Dan Fogler, who’s even more annoying than Jack Black) who is the epitome of misogynistic scum; and I’m not even a woman! Watching this character was like watching a puppy get run over by a garbage truck: something you never want to witness. This guy is hairy and fat and he makes fun of fat women? How does that make sense? This guy is supposed to be a ladies man and he gives women bigger breasts as part of his job. I think the writers were trying to spoof the “hot shot cocky sidekick” character but instead have made the movie worse than it really should have been.

Okay so I know I’ve been rather mean but it’s difficult not to be. I don’t want to pick on this film the way Stu picks on overweight ladies, but come on, this movie pretty much deserves it. I’ll admit I laughed here and there (the opening scene was pretty great, the rest was downhill) and if you take out that jerk character who makes Stiffler from “American Pie” look like Wally Cleaver, then you’d have a much more tolerable movie. This film relies too heavily on raunchy jokes and pratfalls. Well-made movies like “Knocked Up” or “Superbad” may be raunchy, but they feel organic and are never offensive. And those movies actually employ talent. Frankly, I would have given Jessica Alba’s role to someone with actual comedic skills (such as the underused Anna Faris) but what do I know. I’m just a lowly film critic. GRADE: C

Mob Scene: “Eastern Promises” Works Because of Stellar Performances

In one of David Cronenberg’s early films a man’s head explodes. We see the whole thing happen right on screen. This took place in the film Scanners. In that film, people who could read others’ minds (called ‘scanners’) were amongst those living normal, happy lives. The head explosion instantly came to mind while viewing “Eastern Promises.” No this film isn’t horrible and didn’t really make my head explode, but because I was such a big fan of “A History of Violence” I had to feel slightly disappointed. It’s just that I couldn't wrap my head around what was going onscreen in Cronenberg’s first foray into crime drama (assuming you don’t really count his last movie). Promises is probably the auteur’s most mainstream film to date and with strong echoes of movies like “The Godfather” it’s really hard to appreciate the filmmaker’s vision, when the whole time it’s really just giving me a migraine.

Eastern Promises works first and foremost because of the performances. Naomi Watts it’s a British nurse who delivers a young girl’s baby. The mother dies in childbirth, leaves behind a journal written entirely in Russian and Watt is instantly connected with the abandoned baby. She insists that her Russian born uncle translate the diary. She believes this young girl was troubled and somehow connected to the Russian mafia. Meanwhile, Viggo Mortensen, sporting a new do and terrifically dead-on Russian accent is the driver of a famed Russian mob family that called this little London town their home. The patriarch is Armin Mueller-Stahl who, like Marlon Brando in the 1972 mafia classic runs his family’s “business.” He owns a popular restaurant that is a front for the horrific crimes committed against other bad guys. Mueller-Stahl’s son Vincent Cassel is a creepy and intense mob guy who is always hanging out with Mortensen.

I really didn’t care too much for the film’s story. I don’t know a single thing about the Russian mafia (I didn’t even know there was a Russian mafia, let alone in England) so you can imagine my confusion. I don’t really dislike having to read subtitles but it does make a movie more challenging to follow. If these Russians are such bad people, that didn’t really translate well for me. I never really thought Watts was in harms way and Mortensen was way too nice if you ask me which affects something revealed about his character a little too soon. The film’s plot (written by Stephen Wright) is so tight that it couldn’t let me in on the fun. It seems like a film that was more fun to make than to actually enjoy.

Having said all that, this film has one of the best fight scenes in a movie in recent memory. The finale takes place in a bathhouse, with Mortensen taking on two baddies, while fully exposed if you catch my drift. The choreography is amazing that it appears this scene was never rehearsed. And it’s so well shot and edited that it makes all of the uninteresting stuff that came before it practically forgettable. This scene alone is worth the price of admission and is one of two really positives the film has (along with its Oscar worthy performances from all involved).

Cronenberg’s films are definitely an acquired taste. I’ve liked some of his films and disliked others. I’m one of the very few who likes it when he has to resort to gruesome special effects to scare the audience. There are violent images in this film but none compare to the images he has shown us in the past. While the film has enough positives to make it a recommendation some may tout 'Eastern Promises' to be as good as 'The Godfather' which is absurd enough to make your head explode. GRADE: B-

Crime and Punishment: Jodie Foster Refuses to be a Victim in “The Brave One”

If you like your female movie heroes brandishing a gun ala Charles Bronson than “The Brave One” is for you. Don’t get me wrong, this is a powerful film with terrific performances, but I do feel it sends a slightly mixed message about vengeance. Obviously, you have to take matters into your own hands after being victimized by violent crime. Of course, it doesn’t take the route of the Sally Field melodrama “Eye For an Eye” in which Field takes matters into own hands when her daughter’s killer gets off too easy. That film portrayed the police as bumbling idiots who couldn’t find a legal way to lock up Kiefer Sutherland’s slimy rapist character. In this film, Jodie Foster becomes a gun-toting vigilante after her fiancé is killed in a brutal mugging. Foster is in top form, as usual, and we like following her character’s tragic tribulations.

The movie works as long as you’re willing to forgive it for perpetuating the stereotype that New York City is run down with crime committed by minorities. There is no Superman or Spider-man present in this world. Fosterplays a radio DJ who we don’t really know much about besides that she’s about to marry Naveen Andrews from TV’s “Lost.” She just ordered the wedding invitations and life can’t get any better. That is until they run into some scary delinquents who videotape themselves beating the crap out of this loving couple. Foster recovered but her lover dies. Her world is over, there’s a whole in her heart. She nearly becomes agoraphobic and before we know it she’s buying an illegal gun in an alleyway.

I enjoyed Foster’s character’s arc, although she buys that gun a little too quickly if you ask me, although I was surprised at how quickly she has a reason to. She enters a convenience store in which a customer walks in shoots the clerk and in order to save her own life (since she’s practically a witness) she shoots the guy and ejects the security tape. Terrence Howard plays the sympathetic detective who is assigned to the case. They can’t understand why they have a double homicide and no stolen cash. Soon Foster shoots anyone who looks at her the wrong way. And we do feel that someone who has been what she has been through would do anything possible to protect themselves and other innocent people.

The movie sort of sends a wrong message that taking justice into your own hands is the only way to get revenge. It actually shows that revenge is a good thing, although I can’t really say that shooting every bad guy in the city will make one overcome the loss of a loved one. I mean what would Gandhi have to say about this?

The acting here is top notch and director Neil Jordan has a keen visual style (although he doesn’t reveal Foster’s character to be a man half way through) which keeps it way above Lifetime movie and exploitation flick. Though frankly it would be awesome if this were the third part of “Grindhouse.” But let’s face it this is really Death Wish with a bigger budget. And the ending has Hollywood written all over it, but the movie works well enough that it doesn’t really matter.

The film has genuine moments of suspense, tragedy and drama. The characters are completely watchable and Foster’s role seems to be tailor made for her. Andrews does well with his very tiny role and you really feel Foster’s sense of loss. You feel the sense of loss in her heart, a piece of her is missing and the only way to get it back is to take justice into her own hands. Although I don’t think she’ll ever go back to the way she was, apparently this is one of her own 6 steps of grief. Perhaps step 5a – vigilante stage-taking out city scumbags. GRADE: B+

Here Comes the Fun: Julie Taymor Takes Us on a Magical Mystery Tour “Across the Universe”

“Across the Universe” has something going for it the second you sit in your seat: you will pretty much know most of the songs in this smashing new musical vision from director Julie Taymor. The film features the music of The Beatles (with a fantastically musically capable cast), but I couldn’t really say it’s a “best of” The Beatles. There were a few songs I was unfamiliar with (although I'm come to enjoy) and still some songs I couldn’t believe weren’t used. (No Here Comes the Sun? Eleanor Rigby? Ob La Di, Ob La Da?) Of course, the songs were chosen as a base for a love story. Therefore I’m not so sure how they could really squeeze in Eleanor Rigby since it’s about a funeral. However you will be jamming to the film’s strong beat even if you might care less about the characters.

Some might say that the film is more of a visual feast than a character driven drama. And you know what, that might be true, but this is a musical. I didn’t see this movie to be wowed by Oscar-worthy performances or labyrinthine storylines. I came to listen to The Beatles! I came to have my senses wowed! My ears were having a good time and so were my eyes. Taymor is such a fantastic visual director that she makes Baz Luhrmann’s musical “Moulin Rouge!” appear black and white. And like I said before the songs are catchy we already known them so we can sing along right away.

Even though this is more of a visual treat (this is a motion picture after all) there is an actual story here with characters (many of which are appropriately named Beatles songs. It’s the 1960s and we have American high school graduate Lucy (Even Rachel Wood) and her slacker college brother Max (Joe Anderson) who gets by with a little help with his friends. Across the ocean in Great Britain is Jude (Jim Sturgess, who looks like he could be the 5th Beatle) who comes to America to find his estranged father. (However, he doesn’t arrive in a yellow submarine). From an early scene in which Lucy sings Hold Me Tight to her current beau who’s about to go off to war, we can imagine, through the magic of cross-cutting that Lucy and Jude just might end up together. And like all timeless love stories, something will keep them apart so we can root from them to be together. That just so happens to be the Vietnam War! Frankly, there doesn’t really seem to be much conflict between Lucy and Jude once they start their love fling. She becomes an anti-war activist and he just wants to be an artist, but they’re charming and we enjoy seeing them sing our favorite songs.

Meanwhile we get lots of interesting supporting characters. Dana Fuchs who plays the Janis Joplin-like landlady is a standout. This is her first film and she completely adds a ferocity to the film that’s unrivaled by anyone else. And we have Martin Luther as JoJo who’s the Jimi Hendrix stand-in who also is very good. Fellow follower Prudence (T.V. Carpio) has an amazing solo performing the saddest version of I Want To Hold Your Hand I’ve ever heard. Some character introductions are odd (including Prudence’s) because they’re sort of randomly placed. But that’s only in the beginning and the film is getting better all the time. And let’s not forget the wacky cameos by non other than Bono, Eddie Izzard and a cloned Salma Hayek.

Ok, so here’s what everyone really wants to know: If The Beatles songs are so amazing, why would you want to hear mostly unknown performers sing them to weird visual cues? Yeah The Beatles’ songs are so wonderful that they really don’t need to be redone (kind of like classic movies that don’t need remakes), but here these covers are really well done, or at least I think so. These are songs that can be sung faster or slower and the message is still crystal clear and the melodies are still tuneful and the lyrics are still catchy. But let’s be frank, Lennon and McCartney and the gang don’t have the most astounding voices you’ve ever heard in music history, so it’s a welcome change to hear someone else sing your favorite tunes. And this cast is definitely up to par.

Taymor has found images as bizarre and hip as the Beatles’ songs themselves. Androgynous Marilyn Manson weirdos? Yup. Nearly naked army recruits dragging the Statue of Liberty through Nam? Yup. Psychedelic bus trip to the tune of I Am the Walrus? Yup. (And I love the bowling alley scene!) Her images are just as odd and twisted as the lyrics that accompany those memorable melodies. This film will reignite a love for Beatles music that has lasted throughout peoples’ lives. It will spark feelings you never realized you felt. “Across the Universe” is a creative and wild trip that didn’t let me down. GRADE: A-

Let’s Get Metaphysical: “The Nines” is Hardly By the Numbers

Note: This is an abridged review because I simply can’t remember enough of the film to warrant a full length review (I saw it awhile back in LA) It’s most likely never going to play anywhere else, but I advise looking for it when it’s released on DVD.

“The Nines” is guilty of one thing: Making a good actor out of Ryan Reynolds. Yeah Reynolds has had charm and a commanding presence in films prior, but he’s not exactly what you’d call a “serious actor.” But you’ll be surprised that he carries himself rather well in John August’s strange, philosophical and striking new film in which he plays three different roles which are, I suppose, all parts of a larger character, one that could possible be traced to…well why should I spoil the fun for you? I don’t want to give any secrets and that’s most likely because this movie is confusing and completely open to interpretation. It’s always interesting and entertaining if you don’t mind struggling to determine what this film is really trying to say.

Like I said earlier the acting is good, especially Melissa McCarthy who sort of plays a version of herself (she was apparently in the show Gilmore Girls, which is referenced in the movie). She’s outlandish and bizarre and delivers some delicious lines courtesy of August’s wickedly intriguing screenplay. He seems to be entering David Lynch terrirtory and that could be a good thing or a really bad thing. Hope Davis is also here playing several roles in the three separate acts that become more connected as the film progresses. And little Elle Fanning tries to out act her big sis in the typical "strange/wise child role."

While the film is a puzzle it’s never frustrating to the point of wanting to tune out. I can’t say this is something that is completely original ("Mulholland Dr." was an equally bizarre LA-set mind blower) but for your money why not spend your hard earned dough on a film that can make you think instead of one that will make you stupid? And besides, I saw this film very late at night and it kept my attention all the way through so that’s saying a lot. GRADE: B

Season of the Kitsch: Rob Zombie Takes a Stab at “Halloween”

I will say this upfront: After much deliberation I’ve decided to give this film a letter grade of B-. This is technically one of my most difficult grades to give because I’m very torn. The original Halloween is my fourth favorite film of all time and watching a remake seems both appalling and intriguing. So therefore I must warn that fans of the original film are most likely not going to enjoy this version and fans of horror in general will find likes to like and dislike. Fans of director Rob Zombie will probably find this to be one of his most accomplished works, which of course, isn’t saying a whole lot.

It’s unfair to the new film to make direct comparisons to the original. Yet it’s an insult to the original for it to be completely ignored. So, having said that, I will try to be fair to both versions. But that really implies that this new film is a standard remake and it’s really not. It has enough new content to qualify it as a prequel. I appreciate Zombie wanting to go back to the beginning to make Michael Myers scary again, whether he actually succeeds, I haven’t really decided.

It’s part prequel part remake (pre-make? re-quel?) It’s really two short movies shoehorned into one and it doesn’t quite gel. Zombie expands the original film’s opening into half a movie that doesn’t really work. What makes “The Shape” (true fans know what I’m talking about) stand out amongst the Jasons and Freddys is that not knowing why he kills his sister when he’s eight years old is what’s so frightening. And this was at time in the sixties when crimes like this shocked millions. Today, we live in a society that continually breeds crime and violence (although it’s been awhile since we’ve had a well-known serial killer on the loose ala Bundy or Dahmer). So when we see little Mikey Myers kill his sister and several others it’s not completely shocking or particularly scary. We see little Mike’s (Daeg Faerch) grungy homelife. Sheri Moon Zombie plays his somewhat sympathetic stripper mom. And Mike not only kills is older sis, but her greasy boyfriend, and his stepfather as well. Oh yeah and he beats a kid to death in the woods. And we finally get to see Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) council little crazy Michael.

Zombie gets a few things right. I had heard awhile back that he wasn’t going to use Carpenter’s famously simply and creepy score. It’s been remixed here by composer Tyler Bates. The mask is finally a lot closer to what it looked like in the original film. And frankly the film is much better than parts 4, 5, 6 & 8. (I don’t even count part III and since I love post-modern horror movies like “Scream” I found “H20” to be completely enjoyable, if also completely ridiculous). Part II is definitely the best sequel because it’s most like the original. This “reimagining” seems more along the lines of “Halloween” meets “Hostel” in that the violence here unlike the original is very gratuitous. And I think every female character under 20 shows her breasts before being sliced and diced by the hulking adult Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) and dragged across the floor.

I enjoyed the nods to the first film. (“See anything ya like?” “Totally” Laurie still likes Ben Traemer) For a short time Michael Myers actually stalks and hunts instead of just killing everyone in sight. Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) stops by the Myers house to drop off paperwork for her real estate agent father and she meets up with little Tommy Doyle who insists that the boogeyman is for real. Laurie’s oversexed friends Annie and Linda totally show up here as well. Laurie isn’t as much of a spazz as Jamie Lee portrayed her in the original (she doesn’t knit or dress like a 70 year old woman) and now she’s fitted with some hip new frames. Whether she’s as sympathetic as in the original, that’s up for debate. She’s still the undersexed virgin and her friends have been revved up into superslut mode mostly because by the time Laurie is introduced almost an hour has gone by. And Annie actually gets to do it with her boyfriend Paul before meeting her end.

It’s impossible to not compare this to the 1978 classic. I saw it when I was a little kid and I’ve never been the same person. Will this new Halloween do the same when it airs on October 31st on basic cable? I doubt it. Rob Zombie is an honest “Halloween” fan and who wouldn’t want to make the ultimate Halloween movie? While it’s not nearly as bad as the most unnecessary remake of all time (Gus Van Sant’s “Psycho”) Zombie’s film will blissfully fade from memory without any harm done. If anything there is a purpose for this film: it will make you appreciate the original even more. And as long as it as a reason for existing, that’s not really a bad thing. GRADE: B-

PS: Why does every male character in this movie appear like he’s about to attend a White Zombie concert with grungy shoulder-length hair? Oh wait, never mind.

PSS: If this is supposed to be a remake of the first film, why does Zombie still go with the horrendous Halloween II plotline of making Laurie Strode Michael’s little sister. Even Carpenter himself admits that was a lousy idea in the first place.

PSSS: And what I really don’t get is why little Michael Myers would choose to dress as a circus clown for Halloween when he walks around wearing a KISS t-shirt?

Freaks & McGeeks: The Teen Comedy “Superbad” is Super Good

Some of the best comedies take place over one night or day. The granddaddy of spoofs “Airplane!” takes place during one wacky flight. “Wet Hot American Summer” is the last day in the lives of campers and their crazy counselors. “Adventures in Babysitting” transpires during a long evening of misadventures in Chicago. Even “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” takes place in a day. I could go on forever and it’s possible that film historians have written about the merits of films that take place over a short period of times in the characters’ lives. There isn’t much time to show a character’s lifetime, but the best movies can develop a character within minutes with expert dialogue and some gut-wrenchingly hilarious scenes. “Superbad” from producer Judd Apatow is a guaranteed soon-to-be-classic of the teen sex comedy genre. You’ll be McLovin’ it.


“Superbad” is a rare specimen. It’s the rare comedy that has its heart in the right place along with its brain. Seth Rogen who you’ll gladly remember as the good-hearted doofus who got Katherine Heigl pregnant in “Knocked Up” co-wrote this with his friend Evan Goldberg. They allegedly wrote this script years ago and is semi-autobiographical in nature. And a reason this film works on the level of smart comedy is that there’s a bit of truth in nearly every scene. Director Greg Mottola uses actors who actually look like they’re about to graduate high school and geeky teens who actually appear to be geeky. And where on earth did they find that McLovin kid. He’s God’s gift to summer comedy.


Evan (Michael Cera) and Seth (Jonah Hill) are have been buddies since they were little (and both actors are in fine form). They’re both kind of geeky in an “oh look at those cute virgins” sort of way. Of course they aren’t prudes. The way they speak could make Howard Stern blush. Okay, maybe not, but you get my point. These boys’ mouths will offend most adults (within minutes of starting the boys discuss which porn website to buy a subscription to). And the point of their vulgar talk isn’t just to be funny and offensive. I believe this is how teenagers these days speak. And frankly the more teenagers talk about sex the less they actually do it. This is smart observation of the teenage experience disguised as dumb raunch. But for every bit of bawdy humor there is just as much humanity. This is also a film that is really more about male friendship than about guy & girl love. These guys are getting ready to move on in their lives and it’s a frightening and awkward reality.

The plot here is simple which includes their attempt to get their hands on booze for a girl’s house party. This entails many wild and unpredictable misadventures. They plan to use their friend Fogell’s (terrific newcomer Christopher Mintz-Plasse) new fake ID to score the alcohol. A robbery at the liquor store lands Fogell in the hands of two ridiculous cops played by Rogen and SNL’s Bill Hader. They love that this kid’s name on his ID is McLovin and decide to give him a ride home after they make a few police calls. Like all teen comedies the adults are always portrayed as inept loons and “Superbad” is no exception. These officers are straight out of “Car 54 Where Are You” and while they do provide solid laughs (mostly because they’re with McLovin) their scenes are so silly and unbelievable they’re almost from a different movie.

I think Mr. Rogen is having the best summer of his life. Everything he’s connected with has just the right doses of hilarity and humanity. This film almost plays like a prequel to “Knocked Up.” Now we know where the Ben Stone character came from. And whether Evan and Seth ever get to that party in hopes of losing their virginity is something I’ll never tell. This is the rare gem of a film that actually gets you to care about its characters instead of just knocking you over the head with humor. Although McLovin deserves a movie of his own. GRADE: A-

Kentucky Fried Bible: While Thy Film Isn’t 'Wet Hot American Summer' Thou Shalt Enjoy “The Ten”

You have to love any film that mocks religion. Well “The Ten” doesn’t so much mock religion as much as it just acknowledges it with raunchy humor mixed in guaranteed to offend many. Frankly, this film’s audience is not going to be the likes of Mother Superior or Pope what’s-his-name. The true audience for this film is the small cult followers of the director David Wayne’s hilarious previous entry “Wet Hot American Summer.” That was an irreverent look at 80s camp comedies that was as subversive as it was funny. “The Ten” is an ode to God’s Ten Commandment’s one of life’s first countdowns. VH1, MTV and E! have a lot to owe the man upstairs and a really funny film to witness. Here I present to thee, “The Ten” a film chock full of funny bits that are mostly hit or miss.

The film’s structure is really simple. Paul Rudd introduces the film in front of two large CGI stone tablets with the list behind him. He introduces each segment but not before introducing us to a fight with his wife played by Famke Janssen. If anything, this is the weakest part of “The Ten.” Rudd is a funny guy (see Knocked Up, The 40 Year Old Virgin, heck even Clueless) but here his laughs are mostly scattershot and when the film comes back to him, we most just want to get back to the commandment segments. These segments rate on a scale of hilarious to funny to odd. But it’s always entertaining. But frankly, this film's slick production values don't really work as much as Wet Hot American Summer's low budget appeal.

It’s difficult to describe all of them and guess what there are ten! The first has to do with “thou shalt have no other Gods before me” and it revolves around The OC’s Adam Brody gaining a Christ-like following after becoming stuck in the ground after a skydiving mishap. Winona Ryder plays his overreacting, jealous girlfriend. Ryder also plays in another segment (as most of the actors do) regarding, you guessed it, “thou shalt not steal” in which she becomes obsessed with a ventriloquist’s dummy and must steal it to satisfy her love of, um, puppet love. Probably the most random vignette is for “honor thy father and thy mother” in which two black twins question their white mother about their white father’s paternity. She insists her sons’ biological father is none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The boys’ respond with “How does that explain the dark color of our skin?” That’s how random this movie is. The only real throwaway part is an unfunny animated sequence whose only highlight is seeing silly cartoon characters having sex.

The film really does work when it’s at its most random. The jokes are sometimes taken literally such as those black boys asking their mother to spell it out to them. And then she literally s-p-e-l-l-s it out for them. The dialogue is as smart as anything found in a ZAZ parody film. And why shouldn’t it be. Wet Hot American Summer worked as well as any spoof possibly could. David Wain and co-writer Ken Marino have crafted their film as an ode to the great sketch comedies of the past. “History of the World Part I,” “Kentucky Fried Movie,” and “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask” all are in fair play.

Wain has assembled such a great cast including Live Schreiber (who covets his neighbor’s goods), Gretchen Mol (uses the lord’s name in vain), Jessica Alba (as a homewrecker), Bobby Cannavale (keeps the Sabbath Day holy by hanging out naked with other guys), Oliver Platt (as a celebrity impersonator), Zak Orth (defending the thou shalt not murder guy), Rob Cordy (wants the thou shalt not kill guy as his prison bitch), Justin Theroux (plays a Mexican Jesus Christ) etc but it’s a little disappointing that “Wet Hot” alums Michael Showalter, Janeane Garofalo and Michael Ian Black just show up in minor roles. Molly Shannon and Amy Poehler are nowhere to be found but that’s ok. I say count your blessings and see thy film! GRADE: B

Strip Cheese: Lindsay Lohan is Lindsay No-Hand in the Unintentionally Hilarious “I Know Who Killed Me”

I never thought Lindsay Lohan could stoop this low. That is until I heard she proclaimed the cocaine found in her pants wasn’t hers. They weren’t even her pants! Yeah, Linds keep snorting that booger sugar. While Lindsay makes her way to rehab for the third time (third time’s the charm) I’m still wrapping my head around what can only be described as the most bizarrely horrible film of 2007. Although I never said it wasn’t entertaining or side-splittingly hilarious.

But it’s not fair to bring up Ms. Lohan’s (who can act, just not here) unfortunate real life traumas when there’s something a whole lot worse happening to her on the big screen. That would be “I Know Who Killed Me” (a film that would be the result of a threesome between “Saw,” “Showgirls,” and “The Parent Trap”) a horribly conceived mess that’s supposed to be, I’m guessing, an erotic thriller? Come on, after being held captive by a serial killer Lohan’s limbs get chopped off and the doctor gives her a robotic mechanical hand and an electronic prosthetic leg. How is the audience really supposed to take this seriously? In case you care, Lohan is Aubrey a nice high school journalist whose theme color is blue. She writes stories about Dakota, a slutty stripper, (is there any other kind?) whose theme color is red. When Aubrey is kidnapped by a serial killer and left for dead minus two limbs, it is Dakota who emerges much to the shock of Aubrey’s parents. So is she Aubrey or Dakota? What is her favorite color, blue or red? And when will Lindsay Lohan get her life back together?

I think Ms. Lohan got confused when she read the script. She probably figured that many actresses who have gone slutty have won awards. Even Oscars. Take cinematic hookers Mira Sorvino and Kim Basinger. Both played prostitutes and then both nabbed Oscar gold. Of course, they didn’t play serial killer stripper victims who get fitted with mechanical hands. Seriously, I’m not kidding: Lohan gets a mechanical hand. It’s worth the admission price just for that scene. I’m going out on a limb here (natch!) but I’m guessing half of the crew was high when they actually accepted this job.

Everything here is shoddily done. The editing is lumbering and evident. The camerawork is just plain average. This movie looks like it should be premiering at 1AM on Cinemax (no offense to pay cable channels). And the film has about the same class as a crack mother teaching kindergarten. Did anyone actually read novice Jeff Hammond’s script before signing on because the writing is horrible as well. The acting isn’t as atrocious as say “Showgirls” (Elizabeth Berkley is still the Worst Actress Ever reigning champion) but it’s not exactly good either.

Oh and did you notice how everything in the movie is the color blue. Oh my good, if I never have to look at the color blue again I’ll die happy. Gimme a break people! Hey director Chris Sivertson, have you ever heard of subtlety? (Obviously not, because after all, this is the movie where Lindsay Lohan gets a mechanical hand!) And how am I supposed to keep a straight face during the “intense” finale when Lindsay’s prosthetic leg keeps beeping because the battery is running low? Is that supposed to help create suspense or something? It doesn’t do anything but create chuckles from the people in the audience who are kicking themselves for paying to see Lindsay Lohan get a mechanical hand.

And the film sets up what we think is going to be a revelation that both Dakota (red Lindsay) and Aubrey (blue Lindsay) are in fact the same person (split personality?) but no, the writer had to come up with something even more ludicrous. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, surprise, it does! The revelation of the killer is mind-numbingly stupid, not to mention pointless.

You know what? “I Know Who Killed Me” is probably one of the most entertaining bad movies to come out in a while. Wait until it comes out on DVD, invite your friends over, open a six-pack and just let ‘er rip. This movie will be coming soon to a bargain bin near you. Yes, I told you a mechanical hand! GRADE: D- *

*(or an A- for sheer entertainment value)

Blinded By the Light: While a Disappointment, “Sunshine” is Still a Dark Science Fiction Entry

It’s apparent that Danny Boyle’s “Sunshine” succeeds much more splendidly if you’re mostly unaware of cinema’s long list of science fiction space entries. There’s “2001,” “Event Horizon,” “Alien” and many more from where that came from. “Sunshine” borrows heavily from all of those, but I think its purpose is that of homage rather than rip off. If you’re willing to look at “Sunshine” as if it could stand alone, it succeeds as a thrilling space saga that has some moments of wonder and moments of shock and lots of lots of bright light.

The movie Sunshine is kind of like the sun itself. You know it’s there and you know you really shouldn’t look and the longer you stare at it the more damaging it is. If you really look deep into this film, you’ll notice that there isn’t very much original material and you’re more likely to notice its flaws. The basic story revolves around a small space flight crew who has been sent on a mission of mercy. In the future the sun is dying and they must plant a bomb (Armageddon?) to “reignite” it otherwise all of life on earth would parish. The film focuses on the space crew characters rather than overly dramatic melodrama back on Earth. This particular mission is also the second mission to be sent out: the first mission failed in that they first crew was never heard from again. Perhaps a malevolent force is responsible?

The film stars a great cast of what I like to call “serious actors.” The film thankfully gives us serious people, not a bunch of idiotic oil drillers ala Armageddon. It’s easier to care about people who are taking their job seriously instead of silly goof-offs. These actors include Cillian Murphy who’s been a great talent since staring in Danny Boyle’s terrific apocalyptic zombie thriller “28 Days Later.” Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon star Michelle Yeoh is in charge of the spaceship’s greenhouse, which nurses all of their oxygen and edible plant life. Chris Evans (from Fantastic 4) gives a great performance as a fellow astronaut/scientist.

The film has three distinct acts, two of which succeed. We learn how these scientists live on the ship. We see how their ship holds a huge solar panel that blocks the sun’s powerful rays as they approach closer and closer to their goal. The effects here are very decent for a film that has a particular lower budget than average summer fare. With not nearly as half of the money as, say, “Transformers,” “Sunshine” packs some interesting visual punches. I really believed that these people were in space. Eventually they get a signal from the ship that was the first mission. Eventually going to investigate becomes an unwise move, as the film sets up its least effective act. While it provides some chills and overall dreadful atmosphere, it doesn’t really work because it has an overwhelming “been there done that” feel.

Frankly, the ends of most of Danny Boyle’s pictures are particularly disappointing. I have to admire him wanting to take a risk by going somewhere the audience doesn’t really expect but often times he gets a little silly. And the ending here is sort of a confusing mess that kind of kills everything we’ve seen before it.

Having said that there’s enough in Sunshine that I liked. Will some people find the material too weird? Sure. Will some people find it too much of a rehash? Of course. See “Sunshine” for yourself and make the call. GRADE: B

Yellow Tale: “The Simpsons Movie” is Definitely Worth Your D’oh

It only took eighteen years but the longest running animated sitcom family has finally leaped triumphantly to the multiplex for a subversive, hilarious time at the movies. Yes, we’re talking colorful 2-D animation with people of a yellow hue in the wonderful Simpsons Movie. I can remember some early memories of catching The Simpsons on Fox when I was a young thing. The Simpsons were all the rage and everyone had a T-shirt that said, “Don’t have a cow, man.” Flash forward 18 years and The Simpsons are still on although I’ve lost touch with them over the years. While I’m more a nostalgic Simpsons fan (only the first 10 seasons are really stupendous) everything you could ever want in a Simpsons full length feature is present here.

The Simpsons Movie trailer gave no real clues as to what the plot of the movie could be. There were so many random lines and scenes shown, that the plot just seemed incoherent. But now it’s completely in focus: basically Home screws up royally, the entire Springfield community wants him and his family dead, and he’s forced to take a long hard look at himself and find the courage to admit that he’s a true screw-up. Of course everyone’s favorite slacker father Homer J. Simpsons really means well, whether he’s ringing Bart by the neck or slacking off at his job at the power plant.

Those who are worried that the movie can’t be as good as it’s first few seasons on TV need not fear. The writers, who are numerous, have come up with really funny gags, lines and situations. Each family member gets his or her time to shine. And like the TV show, the beginning scenes which seem to have nothing to do with anything will set the story’s plot in motion. Green Day performs for Springfield to raise awareness that their lake is the most polluted in the country. The townsfolk respond by throwing garbage at the band. Eventually the town is banned from polluting the lake until Homer decides to dump a silo full of his new pet pig’s droppings into it. This leads the EPA to quarantine the entire town. Meanwhile, little activist Lisa Simpson finds an Irish boyfriend. Bart begins to feel more loved by the Ned Flanders. And Marge is upset that Homer could be so ignorant and dimwitted to cause such a catastrophe.

So the Simpsons are on the run from the angry Springfield mob, while we the audience are on an odyssey of laughs, laughs and even more laughs. There is so much fun stuff here I can’t even describe it all. The film’s humor is a little dirtier since it’s not restrained by TV censors; which leads to the film’s biggest surprise laugh when Bart is “revealed” to the audience. Homer gives the finger and Marge curses, but it all fits along with their characters. There are sight gags galore like Home poking himself in the eye with a hammer and witty dialogue such as little Ralph Wiggum proclaiming “I like men now” after witnessing Bart’s full monty.

If you were a Simpsons fan or are still a Simpsons fan there is so much here to enjoy. And if you’ve never watched the show then there’s no better time to start. Every character is here blown up to live sized proportion with beautiful traditional animation. Like a perfectly frosted donut, “The Simpsons Movie” is a real treat. Mmm donut. GRADE: A-

King of Queens: “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” Ain’t a Gay Old Time

Two straight men get married to reap the legal benefits. I do believe this was a good idea. I really. really do. It’s just that somewhere from log line to finished film something just went wrong. Terribly wrong. I’d buy this situation as a sitcom. But to call the film “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” a sitcom stretched to feature length would be an insult to television comedy. Kevin James is a funny guy. Adam Sandler used to be a funny guy. One of the writers wrote some Golden Girls episodes and two others wrote “Election,” “About Schmidt” and “Jurassic Park III.” Well there ya have it folks.

Dennis Dugan is one of the most consistent directors in Hollywood. He makes piece of crap after piece of crap and yet he still finds work. He’s responsible for some of the worst comedies. But you know what? I find some of them actually funny. He started with Problem Child, hit it big with Happy Gilmore, reunited with Sandler in Big Daddy, and made the guilty pleasure baseball flick The Benchwarmers. But what he has made with “Chuck & Larry” is simply a bad movie. I’ll be honest I laughed a few times and I really did want to like it. It’s pretty bad, but still watchable.

The biggest insult is a movie that pours out crude humor only to give in to sentimentality at the end. I’m not buyin’ that crap. Either be mean-spirited and rude or be sappy and corny. Never never never mix the two together. You’ll end up looking like an idiot director who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow. And that’s what we get with “Chuck & Larry.” Sandler and Kevin James portray Brooklyn fireman. Sandler is an annoying lady’s man and James is a single father of two (his flamboyant son is a running gag in the movie). James finds out that if he were to get killed in the line of duty his children would be left to fend for themselves or something like that. But, according to plot point 1, if he were to enter into a domestic partnership with a man his “spouse” would be able to inherit all his money or something like that. Why this obvious straight man would consider faking a marriage with a man and not a woman is beyond me. And why Sandler as an annoying homophobe would go along with it is also still beyond me. And there you have the movie, in which these two guys must pretend to be married, while still making gay jokes and eventually becoming the butt of other peoples’ gay jokes.

I wouldn’t really say the film makes fun of gay stereotypes as much as it makes fun of how straight men perceive gay stereotypes. Obviously all gay men have sex 24/7, get excited to find lube at the grocery store and listen to Cher and watch “Brokeback Mountain” all the time. The only thing really insulting is how put together this movie is. The movie just kind of limps along with scenes that seemed to be thrown together at the last minute. The movie was obviously written as a list of jokes, which in turn were written into scenes, which in turn were put together to create a “movie.” And you just know a movie is in trouble when the best part about it is actress Jessica Biel who is decedent as a gay friendly lawyer who Sandler has the hots for.

And of course the movie tries to shove a sappy message down our throats about tolerance, accepting who you are, and letting people live their lives the way they want. All the while they want us to laugh at the stereotypes being flashed across the screen. This movie works like a vegetarian slaughterhouse film with Burger King product placement. It just seems wrong. I still do believe this could have been a good movie. I really, really do. The film isn’t a total loss: it has a pretty decent soundtrack. Well at least that’s something! GRADE: C-

Wide & Prejudice: “Hairspray” is a Big Fat Fun Musical Comedy

The movie musical “Hairspray” is probably the tamest John Waters has ever been. And that’s most likely because he didn’t write or direct this version. Instead, this fantastically enjoyable film is based on his cult flick from 1988 starring a pudgy Ricki Lake who dreams of fame in the form of dancing on a local dance show in Baltimore circa 1962. This upbeat musical is also based on the equally upbeat Broadway show that won numerous Tony Awards back in 2002. With original songs from composer Marc Shaiman, this version of “Hairspray” is every bit as enjoyable as live theatre and it’ll have you taping your toes ‘til Tuesday.

Everything that director Adam Shankman could have squeezed into frame is utterly enjoyable from start to finish. I liked the colors, the spirit, the costumes and the set. The film takes place in good old 1960s Baltimore. After singing about rats in the street and the local flasher (John Waters in a perfect cameo) Tracey Turnblad (newcomer Nikki Blonsky) hitches a ride to school on a garbage truck. She and her friend Penny (the comical Amanda Bynes) watch The Corny Collins Show everyday after school. It’s an American Bandstand-type local dance show that stars the local hunk of their dreams Link Larkin (Zac Efron of the bafflingly popular “High School Musical”). Of course, it’s only the local white teens who get to shimmy and shake everyday on the show, except for once a week during “Negro Day” in which the Black community gets its share of grooving. Mean lady manager Velma Von Tussle (a magnificently wicked Michelle Pfeiffer) rules the roost and insists that integrations shall never occur. After all, these are (gasp) colored people! And did I mention John Travolta plays Tracy’s mother. Her big fat geek mother.

The film has a high camp value without ever really going overboard (this isn’t “Rocky Horror” after all). Newcomer Nikki Blonsky as teenage dreamer Tracey was, at first, little too perky for my taste, but she is a great talent and she definitely carries the movie with its cheery beat and important message about tolerance, the importance of change and being proud of who you are. It carries a message, but doesn’t really cram it down our throats. If we can be singing along and taping our toes and receive a little social commentary, what’s wrong with that?

The movie is so extremely lively that it feels as if you’re watching the play. You really don’t feel very disconnected from the story as you do in other movie musical adaptations like “Rent” or “The Producers.” “Rent” was too serious to be fun and “The Producers” was too silly to be taken seriously. “Hairspray” seems just right. And even if you don’t know the music going in, you’ll be singing the songs on your way out. Travolta does a good job of making us believe he’s a woman. While the make-up job isn’t exactly flawless, he has the acting chops and enough good dialogue (thank you screenwriter Leslie “Mrs. Doubtfire” Dixon) to let us forget that there’s a man behind the mask. On the other hand, Travolta in drag seems kind of gimmicky so I wouldn’t recommend seeing this movie just because he’s in a fat suit. We’ve all seen “Mrs. Doubtfire” and “Toosie.” This isn’t the king of drag queen movies by any means, but it has solid energy and a fun beat that will have you smiling even after the credits roll.

I actually found myself believing that Edna and Tracy are mother and daughter dancing and shimming to Marc “Everyone has AIDS” Shaiman’s catchy and funny tunes. The supporting cast is also terrific. Pfeiffer is great as the racist TV manager. I love her in evil roles (“I’m Catwoman hear me roar!”) and here she really gets to shine. It’s fun to be able to hate her. James Marsden has a surprisingly good turn as the host of The Corny Collins Show. I’m actually a big fan of Amanda Bynes, and I’m probably the only one who finds her film “She’s the Man” utterly entertaining. She has good comic timing and makes a good friend to Tracy. And let’s not forget Christopher Walken as Edna’s faithful husband. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Walken and Travolta in a fat suit dancing together. Queen Latifah belts out some great tunes, as does Elijah Kelley as Penny’s forbidden love interest (thanks to conservative mommy Allison Janney, as indispensable as ever).

The movie plays up the ‘60s iconography greatly, not only with period costumes and the hairdos, but the political climate as well. We’re talking segregation! Like seriously, there’s a rope separating the Black dancers from the white dancers. Come on! They act as if the Black dancers are Al-Qaeda or something. Frankly the Black students have better moves than their Caucasian counterparts. It’s like “Pleasantville” with racism! “Hairspray” is just fun fun fun. It kind of has the quirky vibe of the 80s musical “Little Shop of Horrors” without the macabre humor. It was amusing and the songs are upbeat, catchy and tuneful (and witty for that matter). I can’t wait for “Serial Mom: The Musical.” GRADE: A-

Aye Robot: “Transformers” is a Blast, But it Won’t Transform Contempt for Michael Bay

There are several things you should expect in a Michael Bay film, lots of cuts, slick cinematography, lots of military personnel and complete disregard for public property. I mean seriously how many buildings has this guy destroyed in his entire filmography? Michael Bay is a visionary director no doubt and he has his own “style” but he’s constantly ripping himself off. I mean how many of the shots in his latest film “Transformers” were exact replicas from his earlier films? I’m surprised he didn’t just use the same footage from “Pearl Harbor” and erase Ben Affleck. One thing that this film didn’t have which I loved was the absence of uber-producer Jerry Bruckheimer. If anyone is guilty of over-producing it’s that guy. Oh God that guy irks me. Unfortunately we get so many trademark Michael Bay-isms it’s enough to give you a headache from the constant combat and shaky cameras. But, yes, Michael Bay certainly knows how to make an entertaining popcorn movie, if not a particularly memorable one.

The plot here is pretty simple even if you’ve never seen the show. The Transformers are alien robots who can shape shift into metallic objects from anything to automobiles to cd players. There are the good ones (Autobots) and the bad ones (Deceptacons) and they’re both after some kind of cube that is supposedly so powerful that it the Deceptacons want to use it to take over the universe. But to us, it’s just the McGuffin and we don’t really care. We just want to see these robots transform before our eyes and kick each others’ asses.

We can directly compare this film with the 2005 blockbuster “War of the Worlds” and 1998’s “Independence Day.” All are similar in concept and execution, but these two films have something that Michael Bay never does: completely memorable moments. Spielberg’s films, for instance, always certain scenes that stick out: such as the first tripod attack, the ferry attack and the basement attack (in “Worlds”). It’s been a few days since I saw “Transformers” and I can’t really pick out a completely memorable action sequence. That’s because it’s all just action, nothing too special, although he’s completely competent as a director, but what’s exciting to him, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s exciting to me or the rest of the audience. And who could forget the White House or Empire State Buildings blowing up in “Independence Day” no one who saw that film has since forgotten those scenes.

Having said that “Transformers” really is a fun movie and it does have memorable aspects such as rising star Shia LeBeouf, who is as charming as ever. Seriously, there is no stopping this kid. They kid is so charming that he instantly raises it to another level. I mean you could have all the computer effects in the world and it wouldn’t come close to creating the lasting appeal that this actor makes. He imports his charming “Disturbia” teenage angst character and lets him out of the house finally. He adds some humanity to the robotic proceedings and it’s easy for the audience to identify with him. Of course it wouldn’t be a Michael Bay movie without lovey dovey romance stuff, but thankfully that’s mostly a sidenote here. We get Lindsay Lohan look-a-like Megan Fox to fill in. This midriff revealing auto mechanic whiz could give Mona Lisa Vito a run for her money.

The only major flaw is that the film takes a little while to get fully going, (including annoying cross cutting between Shia’s storyline and that of military men surviving an attack in the Middle East) once the good robots are all introduced, there is lots of chatty fun banter between the robots that is just simply wonderful. The film is written by Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, who were responsible for “The Island,” which I enjoyed even though it completely bombed (bad marketing if you ask me). They have given the robots equally corny and funny lines of dialogue and even have them attempting to hide in the backyard from Shia’s parents. They find having to hide out annoying and one of them comically suggests that he “take them [the parents] out.” But not only does it take a while to get going, Michael Bay also doesn’t really know when to quit. That last action sequence goes on pretty much forever.


If Michael Bay’s point was to make a fun live action cartoon, then he has succeeded with “Transformers.” Of course I’ve never seen the original cartoon from the 80s (I know shame on me) so I can’t really compare them, but I think he has successfully transformed this 80s icon into the 21st century with style, wit and entertaining action (lots of action). GRADE: B+

The Cook, the Chef, a Rat and His Brother: Pixar and Disney Concoct a Savory Delicacy called “Ratatouille”

Geez, Paris is certainly having the best summer ever. “Paris, je t'aime” was an ode to the powers of love in Paris. Michael Moore's "Sicko" painted a portrait of the healthcare industry by exploring how France’s national healthcare is superior to the USA’s. And now we have a sweet animated film about a rat with a taste for great food set in Paris, France. Yes, you read that correctly. This movie is about a rat who loves gourmet food so much he dreams of being a great chef. This is a premise only Pixar could pull off with such delight and enthusiasm that while watching it, nothing else in the world will seem to matter. It’s a truly delicious treat.

Pixar has first taken the cardinal rule of CGI animation and tossed it out like a bad piece of cheese: making non-stop, clever pop-culture references. This film relies on intelligent writing and good storytelling instead of useless wisecracks. Also, instead of setting this film in 2007, they set it anytime. This is a movie that can be viewed 50 years from now and it’ll still be just as timeless. We get a real story with real characters that are extremely lovable. This is in the vein of the early Disney classics. It’s the first Pixar film that feels like it was meant to stand the test of time.

Remy (Patton Oswalt) the rat is a cute little rodent who lives somewhere in France with his entire rat infested colony. He argues with his brother who insists that eating garbage is a nice way of living. Not only is the animation of these rats amazing but they’re also just wonderful characters that you want to take home with you. We open the film learning about Remy’s wanting to explore outside the colony; he dreams of being more than just a rat scrounging for garbage to eat. Then he’s suddenly separated from his family and he winds up in Paris which is the home of his favorite (deceased) chef’s restaurant: Gusteau's. There he ends up meeting the goofy and lonely Linguini (a human, voiced by Lou Romano) who has just been hired as the new garbage boy. This is a top tier restaurant and we get our evil villain sous-chef, Skinner (Ian Holm) who is supposed to be next in line after Gusteau’s death. But it turns out that Linguini may have an even closer connection to Gusteau.

Then we get scenes in which Remy is able to help Linguini become a great chef in the kitchen much to the other kitchen workers’ jealousy including Colette (voiced wonderfully by Janeane Garofalo). The scenes in which this young man and rat form a quick bond are priceless and charming. Their banter is witty and Remy's ablity to conrtol Linguing under his chef's hat (by pulling on his hair) is so witty it's beyond believable. The animation here is simply stunning and it never takes away from the fun storyline. The simulated camera movements are technically proficient and create a sense of fluidity that’s nearly indescribable. The voice work is top-notch and having a few no-names with the stars definitely works in its favor.

I was never a really big fan of “The Incredibles,” but it was a good film. Writer/director Brad Bird is obviously a tremendous talent in that he obviously had a vision that ended up being a cinematic masterpiece. He manages to make the basic premise of “rats in a kitchen” into a hard-warming, intellectual film that pushes computer animation the farthest it’s ever gone. There are no gimmicks; no need to release the film in 3D. This is true American filmmaking that just so happens to tell a story set in Paris. And there aren’t too many chefs in the kitchen like on most animated films; Bird is the solo credited writer.

Another aspect worth mentioning was the way they were able to turn a food critic (voiced menacingly by Peter O’Toole) into a full fledged character with obvious jabs at critics in general who get pleasure in writing negative reviews (it is fun after all). There is pleasure in watching someone else crash and burn and I enjoyed this little poke at criticism in general. (Much more than Lady and the Water’s horrific attempt at criticizing critics last summer)

This is a movie that kids will love; there’s plenty of fun mischief and colorful characters. And adults will love it even more. Even if you don’t like rodents or cooking much, you will find lots to enjoy. I like whipping up food in the kitchen and I’ve never found rats to be particularly creepy so I was overwhelmed with joy after watching “Ratatouille.” This is almost guaranteed to win at next year’s Academy Awards for Best Animated Feature, unless “The Simpsons Movie” ends up being the next “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

Speaking of which there are so many nods here to other classic Disney animation. We get a hero who longs to be somewhere else (The Little Mermaid). Someone who pretends to be something he’s not (Aladdin). A non sappy portrait of family values (The Lion King). And not to mention cute talking critters (take your pick). And let’s not forget that Remy suffers from Disney’s single-parent syndrome. See, this is destined to be a classic. Do yourself a favor and savor the sweet taste of Disney and Pixar’s latest gem. GRADE: A